Joke of the Day: Widow wants him in a blue suit

A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary and he’s wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The mortician asks his widow how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’

The widow returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, ‘Whatever this cost, I’m very satisfied.. You did an excellent job and I’m very grateful. How much did you spend?’

To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check, ‘There’s no charge.’

‘No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,’ the widow says.

‘Honestly, ma’am,’ the mortician says, ‘it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband’s size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.’

‘So I just switched the heads.’
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Joke of the Day: 8 oneliners

If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see.

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts

I changed my password to “incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.

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Joke of the Day: Married Blonde

A young married blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead.

She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, “Shut up…you’re next!”

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Joke of the Day: Very drunk

A man gets so drunk at a bar that he pukes down the front of his shirt. He begins freaking out and says, “oh no! What do I do? My wife said if she caught me drinking too much again that she would throw me out of the house.”

A fellow patron emerges with a plan. “Give me $20.” Desperate he gives it to him. The patron proceeds to stuff the $20 bill into the mans puke covered front shirt pocket and says, “go home. when you get there, tell your wife that someone else at the bar got so drunk that they puked on your shirt and as an apology stuffed $20 in your pocket for your troubles.”

The man decides to give it a shot and heads home

“Honey, I’m home!”

“Oh no George you got drunk again! There’s puke all over your shirt.”

“No I swear I didn’t. Another guy at the bar got so drunk he threw up on my shirt and put $20 in my shirt pocket to make up for it. Check my pocket.”

The wife reached into his pocket and sure enough pulled out money.

She then said, “I thought you said it was $20. There’s $40 here.”

“Oh yeah. He also shit my pants.”

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