A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks “Hey, Mate! how long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber look around the shop and says “about 2 hours,” and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks…”How long before I can get a haircut?”

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says”about 2 hours.” The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About an hour and a half”. The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says “Hey, Joey, I’ll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes.”

In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says,”this must be good, where did he go when he left here?”

Joey says, “To your house!”

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Little Johnny has always been bad at math, never willing to study or apply himself. His parents never beat him, they did however move him from school to school hoping he would improve. Finally out of desperation, they took him to an all Catholic school.

Within one week little Johnny improved. He would go upstairs every night after dinner and study his books, math especially. By the time his first report card came his mother was burning with curiosity and sat him down for a chat. His mother said, “Johnny we have tried everything to get your grades up, we are very proud, but what on earth finally made you improve in math?”

Little Johnny looked at his mother and said, “Well, the teachers are dressed funny, but when I saw the little man nailed to the plus sign I knew they weren’t fucking around.”

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A CEO said to his secretary I want to have SEX with you I will make it very fast. I’ll throw $1000 on the floor, by the time you bend down to pick it I’ll be done.

She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story of the CEO’s offer. Her boyfriend then said to her, do it but “Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast he wouldn’t even have enough time to undressed himself.”

So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, what happened? She responds, “The Bastard used coins I’m still picking and he is still f*cking!”

“““““

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Two men are bullshitting at work, when the one says, “I’m gonna try to get out of work early today, I’ll act like I’m crazy.” The other man shrugs and tells him to go for it, so he does; he just starts hooping and hollering, banging on all the machinery, and finally climbing up the rafters shouting “Look at me I’m a light bulb! I’m a light bulb!”

The foreman, upon finally seeing the source of the ruckus, tells the man to go home, and that he’s crazy. The man goes back to his work station, escorted by the foreman, and starts packing his things while giving his buddy a wink.

The other man starts packing up his things as well, and the foreman asks him what he’s doing. The man simply replies, “Well I can’t work if there’s no lights.”

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