Mr. White, a senior citizen, walks into his doctor’s crowded waiting room and says to the receptionist “I need to see the Doctor“.

The receptionist asks “what seems to be the problem”. He replies, “There’s something wrong with my dick”. The waiting room erupts into giggles.

The receptionist leans toward the patient and says “Mr White, when checking in, just tell me there’s something wrong with a less embarrassing body part and when you see the Doctor tell him what’s really wrong”.

Mr White walks out of the office and returns 10 minutes later. He walks up to the receptionist and announces “There’s something wrong with my ear”. “What’s wrong with your ear” the receptionist asks? “I can’t piss out of it”

“““““

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A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.”

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!”

The woman said, “That’s okay.”

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned ?her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to”.

The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.”

So, KAZAM-she’s the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you.”

The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.”

So, KAZAM-she’s the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like a mild heart attack.”

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t mess with them.

Attention female readers : This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women think they’re really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

Note: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen.

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A few married guys are drinking at a bar. They start talking about getting home and they are concerned their wives will be upset about how late they get home.

First married guy says, “I do what I can. I put the car in neutral at the driveway and coast in. I tiptoe inside and sneak into bed. But she still knows.”

Second married guy said, “I idle a half block away, coast all the way home. I take off my shoes before I walk inside. I creep up the stairs and slink into bed but she is still there, waiting and as much as I do and starts yelling.”

Third married guy says,” You’re doing it wrong. I squeal my tires all the way into the driveway. I stomp to the front door, slam it closed, run up the stairs, slap my wife on the ass and yell, “who wants this?” and she is asleep every time. ”

“““““

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An elderly woman wakes one morning and looks out of her bedroom window. Across the road she sees two men from the local council office slowly making their way up the grassy embankment at the side of the road.

The man in front starts to dig a hole in the embankment and after some time moves forward and begins digging another hole. The second man then proceeds to immediately fill in the hole which the first man had only just finished digging. Perplexed by the odd behaviour of the men, the old woman continues to watch them to see if they will do the same with the next hole.

Surely enough, the men from the council continue this pattern for a good 30 minutes before the old woman, agitated with confusion and curiosity; decides it’s time to find out what the men are doing.

“Excuse me young man, what on earth is the point of this, what are you doing?” Says the old woman, “The point?” Says the first man, “The point is to improve the appearance of the roads in this area, to give them a more natural look”.

“Natural?” Exclaims the woman, “How exactly does this make the road look more natural? All you’re doing is digging holes and then filling them in again!”, the two men exchange a disheartened glance before the second man yells “Well it normally looks better, but the fella who plants the trees is off today!”
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