Realizing that this is quite a lot of sheep for one farm, and Rocco the sheepdog is getting a bit old, he decides he’ll probably need a new dog- no, a whole team of dogs- to round so many sheep up.

So the next day, the farmer goes to the pet store. He looks around at the various herding dogs- they seem very fit, but young and untrained. The shopkeeper asks the farmer if he wants any help.

“Why yes,” says the farmer. I need a team of sheepdogs to help round up my flock. I have a rather large number of sheep, you see, and I don’t think any of these young pups would be up to the task of rounding up so many.”

The shopkeeper says, “I’ve got just the thing for you.” and leads the farmer into a small back room, where a single sheepdog sits waiting.

“Are you sure?” asks the farmer, “I have very many sheep and I don’t think one dog will be able to round all of them up.”.

“I’m sure.” says the shopkeeper, “This is a very intelligent dog. He’s been well-trained for many jobs and has skills beyond any other dog I’ve ever seen.”

“Yes,” says the dog, “I know six languages, eight martial arts and I have a degree in engineering.” The farmer, clearly very impressed by this dog- who wouldn’t be impressed by that?- decides to take him home.

That afternoon, the farmer and the dog walk together up hill, and from the top they can see the entire flock covering the fields. “Well,” says the farmer, “I’d like you to round up all of these sheep.”.

“Okay.” replies the dog, “You have eight hundred sheep.”

——-

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An older man is in the hospital. A nurse walks in and he asks, “Are my testicles black?” The nurse, taken by surprise replies, “I’m sorry?” So he asks again “Are my testicles black?”

Nurse shakes her head but decides to check for him, after all she is a nurse. She lifts his robe, takes his testicles in hand, lifts and inspect them. She lowers his robe, raises back up to him and says ” Mr. Johnson, you’ll be happy to hear your testicles aren’t black.”

He looks at her, removing his oxygen mask and says, “That’s great and all but are my test results back?”

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A blonde walks into an appliance store, a salesman approaches her and asks “How may I help you?” The blonde responds “I’d like to buy this tv” the salesman says “sorry we don’t sell to blondes” furious the blonde leaves.

A couple days later she dyes her hair Brown and goes back, the same salesman is there and says “How may I help you?” She replies “I’d like to buy this tv” again the salesman says “sorry we don’t sell to blondes” again the blonde leaves madder then the time before.

Finally a week later the blonde dyes her hair red and goes back for one last try, the same salesman comes up and says “How may I help you?” The blonde says “I’d like to buy this tv” the salesman responds “sorry we don’t sell to blondes” the blonde says “I’ve dyed my hair two different times how have you known I’m blonde both times?” The salesman responds “because that’s a microwave”

“““““

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Betty was a 93 year-old woman widow who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Sam. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Sam’s old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a burden to someone, the widow called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.

“On a woman,” the doctor said, “your heart would be just below your left breast.”

Later that night, Betty was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

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