Young couple
description

Young couple

A young couple had just finished having fantastic sex. Afterwards, the young woman looked in the box of condoms and saw that there were only six left out of the original twelve. She asked her boyfriend, “What happened to the five other condoms?” He rather nervously and shiftily replied, “Errrmm, I masturbated with them.”

The next day the woman went to one of her male friends and told him what had happened. Then she said to him, “Have you ever done that?”

He replied, “Yeah, a few times.”

She said, “You mean you’ve actually masturbated with a condom before?”

“Oh!” he said, “I thought you were asking if I’d ever lied to my girlfriend.”

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]
Mathematician, Philosopher & Idiot
description

Mathematician, Philosopher & Idiot

A mathematician, a philosopher, and an idiot come before the gates of heaven. St. Peter looks over the three of them and says, “Heaven’s getting pretty full, so I can only let one of you in. The other two will have to go to hell.” So he snaps his fingers and Satan appears.

Satan says, “Each of you can ask me one question. If you can stump me on the first try, you win, and you get to go to heaven.”

So first the mathematician steps up to Satan, and he says, “Give me a complete proof for Squaring the Circle.” Satan snaps his fingers, and a big pile of papers appears in front of the man. He looks over the proof carefully, and finally concedes, looking rather glum, “This is indeed proof of Squaring the Circle.” In a flash of fire and brimstone, he goes to hell.

Next the philosopher comes up to Satan and says, “I’d like a written proof that god is omniscient, omnipotent, and omni-benevolent.” Once again, Satan simply snaps his fingers, and another stack of papers appears. The philosopher rifles through them, and finally concedes, “I know we’re right outside heaven right now, but I hadn’t really thought that this proof could exist until I saw it just now.” In a second flash of fire and brimstone, he falls straight down to hell.

Finally the idiot strides up to Satan, looking confident. “Bring me a plastic chair and a power drill!” he pronounces. Seeming confused, Satan conjures up the requested items. The idiot takes his drill and wildly drills about a dozen holes in the seat of the chair, in no pattern at all.

He then sits on the chair and farts loudly. He slyly looks up at Satan, then asks, “Which hole did my fart go through?”

Satan picks up the chair, and holds it up to the light. He turns it this way and that, and pokes his fingers through various holes, and he examines it every way he can.

Finally, after about five minutes, he sets it down, and confidently answers: “It went through the second hole on the left. It had to be. The aerodynamics can’t have worked out any other way.”

The man jumps up and gleefully exclaims, “WRONG! IT WENT THROUGH MY ASSHOLE!”

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]
100 years old sisters
description

100 years old sisters

Twin sisters just turned one hundred years old in St. Peter’s Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twins.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”

He said, “WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!” said the other.

“Now get a little closer together,” said the cameraman.

Again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”

“HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE.” So they wiggled up close to each other.

“Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus a little,” said the photographer.

Yet again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”

“HE SAYS HE’S GONNA FOCUS!”

With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, “OH MY GOD – BOTH OF US?”

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]
Knock at door
description

Knock at door

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, “Do you have a Vagina?” She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the same man and he asks the same question to the woman, “Do you have a Vagina?” She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him what has happened for the last two days.

The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, “Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just in-case this guy shows up again.” The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whispers to the wife, “Honey, i’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he’s going with this.” She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, “Do you have a Vagina?” “Yes I do.” says the lady. The man replies, “Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours!”

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

VN:F [1.9.7_1111]