Month: June 2018

A new guy starts working at the local mental asylum.

After giving him some general indications, the director tells him to ask any question he may have.

-Yes, director, I have one. How do we know if a patient is cured and ready to leave the asylum?

-Well -says the director-, once per year, we gather some of them and ask them a question. If they answer it correctly, then they are cured and are free to go.

The director gathers three patients for a demonstration.

-So, resident 121, what is six times six?

-One thousand? -says the first one.

-Well no, that’s another year here for you.

The director proceeds to ask the second patient the same question.

-Well, the answer is February.

-My God… No, no it isn’t. You are staying here one more year.

Finally, the director asks the question to the third patient.

-What is six times six?

-Obviously it 36.

The director cheers the third patient and proceeds too comunicate the asylum staff he is ready to leave. The new guy asks the patient before he leaves:

-Good job answering correctly. How did you know it?

-Well, it was easy. I divided one hundred by August.

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A traveler enters a pub. The barkeep says, “Welcome! What are you drinking?” The traveler, weary from her long journey, responds simply, “Your finest ale, please.” The barkeep tells her, “Brilliant.” As he pours her a pint of his finest ale, he makes her an offer.

“Since you are a first time customer, I will offer you a gift I offer all of my first time customers.” The traveler blushed and nodded at the bartender, who was easy on her eyes.

“You may choose either this first pint of ale is free or instead you may pay for the beer and I will give you a piece of valuable advice.” The traveler pondered this for a moment, knowing her coin purse is light.

“Though my purse is light, barkeep, I am intrigued by your offer. I will pay for my ale, now please share the valuable advice.” The barkeep grinned, counting the coins she had given him, looked her in the eye and said, “You should have taken the free pint.”
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Greg and Sherry met on a singles cruise and Greg fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Greg was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Greg had taken Sherry to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Greg became convinced that Sherry was indeed his soul mate and true love.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Greg took Sherry to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Greg said, “I guess you can tell I’m very much in love with you. I’d like a little serious talk before our relationship continues. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s going to be a problem for us, you’d better say so now!”

Sherry paused, then responded, “Greg, that certainly won’t be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we’re being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I’ve been a hooker.”

Greg paused for a while then said, “It’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball.”
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A blonde city girl named Amy marries a Wisconsin farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the farmer says to her, “The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow’s stall in the barn.

Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?” The farmer leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when Amy sees the nail, she tells him, ‘This is the one right here.’

The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, “Tell me lady, ’cause I’m dying to know. How would you know this is the right cow to be bred?” “That’s simple,” she said. “By the nail that’s over its stall,” she explains very confidently. Laughing rudely at her, the man says, “And what, pray tell, is the nail for?” Amy turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder…… “I guess it’s to hang your pants on.”

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