Comfort her 95-year-old grandmother
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Comfort her 95-year-old grandmother

On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Mary goes straight to her grandparents’ house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, “He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.” Horrified, Mary tells her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex will surely be asking for trouble. “Oh no, my dear. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. It was nice, slow, and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong.” She pauses, wipes away a tear and then continues, “And if that damned ice cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!”

“””””

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Man takes off his clothes
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Man takes off his clothes

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.
“In front of you”?”, he asks, shyly.

The nurse says, “Well no, but I’ve seen the naked human body before.”

The patient said, “Not one like mine. You would die laughing at my naked body.”

“Of course, I won’t laugh.”, said the nurse to the patient. I am a professional. In over twenty years, I have never laughed at a patient.”

“Okay then”, said the patient and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing a huge male body with a the smallest adult male organ , the nurse had ever seen in her life.

In length and width, it was almost identical to a AAA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out.

And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the patient’s private part, she composed herself, as well as she could.

“I am so sorry”, the nurse said. “I do not know what came over to me. On my honour as a nurse and a lady, I promise that it won’t happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?”

“It’s swollen”, the patient replied.

“””””

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Indian girl
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Indian girl

A family had just moved to the US from India. They had a young daughter, like 5 years old, who was still learning English. One day the Indian girl fell down the stairs while playing outside. She ran in crying and saying “The stairs hit me!”… once she calmed down her dad corrected her and said “No no. You mean to say ‘I fell down the stairs’.”

A few days later they were in the grocery store. In the checkout line the cashier saw the girl’s bruised up legs and asked what happened. The daughter responded with “What did you tell me to say, dad? Oh right! I fell down the stairs.”

He had a fun time explaining that to the police.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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A mother hears a humming sound
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A mother hears a humming sound

A mother hears a humming sound from her daughter’s bedroom and walks in.

Finding her daugher sitting on the bed using her vibrator she asked, “What are you doing?!”

“I’m a 35 year old woman living with my parents. This is the closest I’ll ever get to a husband, ” replies the daughter.

The mother silently leaves the room. The next day, the father hears a humming sound in the living and sees the daughter with her vibrator.

“What are you doing??“ he asks her. She gives him the same reply and the father leaves her to it.

Later in the evening, the mother hears the noise again and goes to see where its coming from. Her husband is sitting alongside the vibrator. She asks him what he’s doing.

He replies, “What does it look like? I’m watching the game with my son in law.”

“””””

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