A cowboy is hitching his horse in front of the saloon when a man storms out with a pistol. The cowboy walks into the bar, past a barfly with a half-empty drink, orders a beer and asks the barfly

“Who’s the guy who just stormed out looking for trouble?”

The barfly responds “Oh him? That’s Jake the Killer, he’s the meanest gun in the west with a bounty of a hundred dollars on him. I’m the lawman sent to deliver the bounty to whoever shoots him down.”

The cowboy says “A hundred dollars! Hold my beer!” And runs out the door. The cowboy shoots Jake dead and comes back into the bar to collect his pay. The Barfly is waiting for him and drinking the cowboy’s beer.
The cowboy says “I shot him down, give me the hundred dollars and my beer.”

The barfly responds “Sir I don’t know who you are or what your talking about, but this is my beer. If you have a problem with that we can take it outside after I finish my drink.”

The cowboy storms out of the bar with his pistol in his hands and a mean look in his eyes.

Just then another cowboy walks into the saloon, orders a beer, and asks the barfly who that dangerous looking man is.

The barfly sets down his half empty mug of beer and says, “Oh him? That’s Jake the Killer.”

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One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

MOM : “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.”

SON : “But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school.”

MOM : “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.”

SON : “One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.”

MOM : “Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.”

SON : “Give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school?”

MOM : “One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school”

“””””

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I finished a murder trial, I was representing the defendant. The only defence I had was that there was no body found. I knew I was going to lose the case, so for my closing argument, I looked at my watch and I told the jury the victim is going to walk through that door in a minute. The entire jury looked over at the door waiting for the person to walk through. Of course, the person did not walk through. I then told the jury, look, you had to have had some reasonable doubt that my client did it because you were waiting for the victim to walk through the door. That’s it, that was my closing argument. Well, guess what? The jury came back with a guilty verdict. I asked the jury after, and I said you all looked at the door. The jury said ‘Yeah, we all did look at the door. But guess who did not? Your client.’

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A man starts his own business. Within a few months his business grows to the point where he needs to hire two employees. He hires a woman named Donna and a man named Jack. Things are good.

A year goes by and the little company’s sales are sagging. The owner realizes that there is not enough work for his two employees and that he must let one of them go. But which one? Both Donna and Jack were excellent employees in every respect.

Tormented by the decision, the owner asks a friend for advice. His friend says “When you go in
tomorrow, watch them both, and fire the first one to take a break.”

So the next day the owner is watching his employees. Donna seems to be having a headache – her brow is furrowed and she’s massaging her temples. She gets up and goes to the medicine cabinet for an aspirin. The owner sees this as a break, and while he hates to do it, this is the signal he was waiting for to make his arbitrary call.

The owner walks over to her and starts out, “Donna, I’m afraid I’m going to have to lay you or Jack off.”
Irritated, she replies, “Can you jack off? I have a headache.”

“””””

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