Professor Dougly at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on ‘Involuntary Muscle Contraction’ to first-year medical students.
He pointed to a beautiful young woman in the front row and asked, ‘Do you know what your asshole is doing while you’re having an orgasm?’
She replied, ‘Probably golfing with his buddies.’
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An older man and young woman are both sitting at a bar, separately enjoying their drinks. The man catches the young lass smiling at him, so he moves to the seat next to her snd offers to buy her a drink. She accepts.
They continue to converse for quite a while. The conversation flowing effortlessly. Eventually, the woman tells the man that her place is close by, and she has a bottle of wine they can share and keep the conversation going.
Once at her place, the sparks begin to fly. She never thought she’d be so attracted to an older man. But he’s handsome, funny, and just seems like a good guy. And the gentleman can’t believe such a beautiful young woman is showing such interest in him. His confidence is through the roof.
Things take another turn as the pair take the party to her bedroom. After the intimate deed is done, they are laying in bed.
The man props himself up on his elbow and says, “I must apologize. If I knew you were a virgin, I would have taken things slower. A nice dinner. A show. Just a nice time out on the town”.
The woman props herself up on her elbow. “I need to apologize too. If I knew you could still get it up, I would’ve taken my underwear off!”
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A Texan is visiting his friend in Sydney, they go out sightseeing.
The Australian shows him the harbour bridge and the Texan says “back in Texas we could build a bridge like that in 2 weeks.”
The Australian then shows him St Mary’s cathedral and the Texan says “back home we could throw up a building like that in maybe a week!”
Frustrated, the Australian takes him to the Sydney Opera House.
“Wow,” says the Texan. “What’s that?”
“No idea, mate” says the Aussie, “it wasn’t there yesterday!”
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I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, ‘Happy Birthday,’ and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone ‘Happy Birthday.’
I thought …. well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids …. they will remember. My kids came bouncing down stairs to breakfast and didn’t say a word. So when I left for work I felt pretty low and somewhat dejected.
As I walked into my office, my hot boss, Pam, said, ‘Good morning, and by the way Happy Birthday!’ It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o’clock, when Pam knocked on my door and said, ‘It’s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me.’
I said, ‘Thanks, Pam, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!’
We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two red wines each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Pam said, ‘It’s such a beautiful day … we don’t need to go straight back to work, do we?’
I responded, ‘I guess not. What do you have in mind?’ She said, ‘Let’s drop by my place, it’s just around the corner.
After arriving at her house, Pam turned to me and said, ‘If you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.’
‘Ok.’ I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake, followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing ‘Happy Birthday.’
And I just sat there ….
on the sofa ….
butt naked.
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