President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, “You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.”

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, “I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.”

Cheney added, “That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy.”

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, “Such big-shots back there. Shit, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy.”

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A young couple was golfing one day on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife sliced her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They walked up, knocked on the door and heard a voice say, “Come on in.”

When they opened the door, they saw glass everywhere and a broken bottle lying on the floor. A man on the couch said, “Are you the people who broke my window?”

The husband began to apologize, but the man cut him off, “Actually, I want to thank you, I’m a genie who was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. I’m allowed to grant three wishes, so what I’d like to do is give each of you one wish, and I’ll keep last one for myself.”

“Fantastic!” said the husband. “I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.” “No problem,” said the genie, “it’s the least I can do.”

“I want a house in every country in the world,” said the wife. “Consider it done,” said the genie, “and now for my wish. Because I’ve been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex in a really long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife.”

The husband looked over at his wife and said, “Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses…If you don’t mind honey, I don’t either.” The wife agreed.

The genie took her upstairs and ravished her for 3 hours. After he was through, the genie looked at the wife and asked, “How old is you husband, anyway?”

“Twenty-five,” said the wife.

“And he still believes in genies?”

——-

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A mafia king is lying on his sick bed when he calls in one of his godsons. “Mikey, get over here,” he says, “before I go, I gotta ask you to do me one favor.” “Yes, godfather, anything you ask me I’ll do, I worship you more than anything!”

“OK!” says the old man, “I want you to go to the bathroom and jerk off!” Feeling uneasy the boy says, “I don’t know, it is embarassing.” The old man says, “Who raised you as if you were my kid huh, you can’t do it for me?” The youngster agrees and does the deed, he comes back and says, “OK I did it.” The old man says, “One more request, do it again!” The boy looks and says, “Why? I just did?” The old man says, “Who gave you money, clothes, girls, huh? you can’t do this little thing for me?” The boy agrees and goes to do it. He comes back sweating and says “OK, done!” “One last request, do it one last time! ” says the old man. “I don’t understand, why?” says the boy. “Don’t ask, Can’t you grant a dying man his last wish?” The boy goes and does it again, he comes back crawling, barely able to talk, “OK I did it again, but please no more, I got no more left! “Good!” says the old man, he hands him car keys and says, “Now drive to the airport and pick up my daughter!”

……………..

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A college student was in a philosophy class which had a discussion about God’s existence. The professor presented the following logic:

“Has anyone in this class heard God?” Nobody spoke.

“Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again, nobody spoke.

“Has anyone in this class seen God?” When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, “Then there is no God.”

One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to reply. Curious to hear this bold student’s response, the professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:

“Has anyone in this class heard our professor’s brain?” Silence.

“Has anyone in this class touched our professor’s brain?” Again, silence.

“Has anyone in this class seen our professor’s brain?”

When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, “Then, according to our professor’s logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!”

……………..

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