Leroy is a 20 year- old 5th grader from Detroit. This is Leroy’s homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.

1. Hotel – I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.

2. Dictate – My girlfriend say my dictate good.

3. Catacomb – I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.

4. Foreclose – If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.

5. Rectum – I had two Cadillacs, but my bitch rectum both.

6. Disappointment – My parole officer tol’ me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.

7. Penis – I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.

8. Israel – Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, “man, it look fake.” He say, “Bullshit, that watch israel.”

9. Undermine – There’s a fine lookin’ ho living in the apartment undermine.

10. Acoustic – When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall.

11. Iraq – When we got to the poolhall, I tol’ my uncle iraq, you break.

12. Stain – My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, “Do you plan on stain for dinner?”

13. Fortify – I axed this ho on da street, “how much?” she say “fortify.”

14. Income – I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife.

Furthering your education with Today’s Ebonic word: Today’s word is :”OMELETTE” Let us use it in a sentence.

“I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one slide.”
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Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they died.

First man: “I’d been suspecting for a long time that my wife was cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn’t find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place I looked was out on the balcony.

I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he yelled, but he didn’t fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors screaming in agony. But the fall didn’t kill the asshole. He landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went back into the bedroom and shot myself.”

St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then, telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.

Second man: “I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I landed in some bushes. I couldn’t believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn’t last. The last thing I saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and crushing me.”

St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.

Third man: “Picture this. You’re hiding, naked, in a refrigerator…”

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Some DEEP THOUGHTS to start off your week with:

. How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn’t live there?

. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

. STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

. Clones are people two.

. If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

. No one ever says “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.

. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

. Think “honk” if you’re telepathic.

. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

. I went to a store which said open 24 hours and he was closing. When I asked why he said, “We’re open 24 hours, but not in a row.”

. Why don’t they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

. I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

. If it’s tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?

. Disney World is a people trap operated by a mouse?

. Since light travels faster than sound, isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

. If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

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 A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him. “You, sir, are drunk!”

“And you ma’am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!”