A poor peasant is traveling the woody paths of Barnsdale, when a hooded man walks up to him.
Robin Hood: “HALT!”

“I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor, now give me all your money!”

Peasant: “I have nothing, I’ve been hungry for years you see”

Robin Hood: “Very well then poor man, take this!”

Robin Hood gives the poor man a sack, filled to the brim with gold coins. He then fades away into the forest.

The peasant stares in disbelief, exclaiming: “I can’t believe it, I’m Rich!”

“HALT!”

“““““

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Mr. Conner goes to the doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.

The lab tech says to him, “I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Conner were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that’s either bad or terrible.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, one Mrs. Conner has tested positive for Alzheimer’s disease and the other for AIDS. We can’t tell which is your wife.”

“That’s terrible! Can we do the test over?” asked Mr. Conner.

“Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do now?”

“The HMO recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don’t sleep with her.”

“““““

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Buffy, a rich blonde, buys a new automatic Jaguar F-Type. She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won’t move at all.

After trying to drive the car at night for a week (but without any luck), she furiously calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a technician to her.

The technician examines the car and finds nothing wrong with it.

So he turns to the blonde and asks, “Ma’am, are you sure you are using the right gears?”

Full of anger, the blonde replies, “How on earth you could ask such a question!? I’m not stupid you know! Of course I am using the right gears; I use D during the day and N at night.”

“““““

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Hank and Darla were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Hank suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Darla promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Darla’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Darla the news she said, ‘Darla, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love… I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Hank hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.

Darla replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself, I put him there to dry.

How soon can I go home?’

“““““

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