I was at the deli counter behind another dad and his son the other day. He has his hands full – the kid was screaming for candy, cookies… all sorts of things. The dad kept saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, Tyler, this won’t take long. Just chill out.”

He had another outburst in the cereal aisle and his dad just said “Settle down, Tyler. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, buddy.”

At the checkout, I see him in the next lane over and the kid is throwing items out of the cart. His Dad says again, super-calmly, “Tyler… Tyler, relax! Don’t get upset. We’ll be home in ten minutes. Just stay cool, Tyler.” It was impressive.

So, as we’re both walking out of the store I turned to him and said “I’m sure it’s none of my business, but you were amazing back there. I don’t know how you kept your composure. I might have snapped if my son was in that kind of mood. Tyler is very lucky to have you as his dad!”

And he said “Thanks! But actually, I’m Tyler. This little shit’s name is Kyle.”

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A woman and her 11-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Chicago. It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.

“Mom,” said the boy, “what are all those women doing?” “They’re waiting for their husbands to get off work,” she replied.

The taxi driver turns around and says, “Geez lady, why don’t you tell him the truth? They’re hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money.”

The little boy’s eyes get wide and he says, “Is that true Mom?” His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers “Yes.”

After a few minutes the kid asks, “Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?” She said, “Most of them become taxi drivers.”

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Mohammad goes to his new school after moving to Dublin

“What’s your name?”, asked the teacher.

“Mohammad,” he replied.

“You’re in Ireland now,” replied the teacher, “So from now on you will be known as Mike.”

Mohammad returned home after school.

“How was your day, Mohammad?”, his mother asked.

“My name is not Mohammad. I’m in Ireland and now my name is Mike”.

“Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!”

And his mother beat the crap out of him. Then she called his father, who beat the crap out of him again.

The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his fresh bruises.
“What happened to you, Mike?”, she asked.

“Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two damn Arabs.”

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Jay and Tim wanted a drink real bad, but they barely had a euro between them. Jay had an idea. He bought a large sausage.

They went into a pub and ordered 4 drinks each. Jay said, “Don’t worry, I have a plan. I’ll stick the sausage through my zipper & you go on your knees and put it in your mouth. The bartender will get mad and throw us out.” They did exactly that, and sure enough, the bartender threw them out of the Pub.

They then went from pub to pub, had free drinks, and each & every time, they were thrown out. By the time they got to the 10th pub, Tim said, “I can’t do this anymore, I am drunk & my knees are killing me.” Jay replied, “How do you think I feel.. I can’t even remember at which pub I lost the Sausage!!

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