A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom.

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

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Two prawns were swimming round in the sea, one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, “I’m fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten.”

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, “Your wish is granted.” Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.

Justin didn’t realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back.

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn’t see his old pal.
“Where’s Christian?” he asked.

“He’s at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark,” came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian’s abode.

As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted: “It’s me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.”

Christian replied, “No way man, you’ll eat me. You’re now a shark, the enemy, and I’ll not be tricked into being your dinner.”

Justin cried back “No, I’m not. That was the old me. I’ve changed… “I’ve found Cod. I’m a Prawn again Christian.”

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A man is walking to his car late at night

When he sees a woman on a shady corner. He goes up to ask if she’s alright and she responds
“I’m a hooker, are you interested?”

The man decides to live a little and takes her up on her offer and they go back to his car and go at it like rabbits.

Some time during, a cop pulls up and knocks on the window.

“Excuse me sir what exactly are you doing?”

The man answers “I’m having sex with my wife”

The cop replies with “I apologize, I didn’t know.”

The man responds with “Me neither until you shined that flashlight”

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In the days of the wild west, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the fastest gunfighter in the world.

He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn’t yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.

Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar who had the reputation of being a fast gun in his day.

The young gunslinger took a seat next to the old-timer, bought him a drink, and told him the story of his great ambition. “Do you think you could give me some tips?” he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, “Well, how fast are you?”

The young man drew his pistol pretty quick and before anyone knew it, then shoots the hat off of the piano player’s head!”

The old man looks over at the piano player and says to the young man, “Well, that wasn’t bad. But you’re wearing your gun too high. You should have your holster lower on your leg so you can get to your gun quicker when you draw. And son, tie the holster down on your leg.”
The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his Colt Peacemaker and shot the tie off the piano player.

“That’s terrific!” said the young gunslinger. “Got any more tips for me?”
“Yup,” said the old man. “Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw.”

“Will that make me faster?” asked the younger man. “You bet it will,” said the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, then shot a cuff link off the piano player.

“Wow!” said the young gunslinger. “I’m learning’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?”
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. “See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it. Just but the gun in it, layer it with grease! ”

The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
“No,” said the old-time, “I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.”
“Will that make me a faster gunfighter?” asked the young man.

“Probably not!” said the old-timer, “But when Doc Holliday gets done playing that song on the piano, that grease will make it hurt less when he shoves that gun up your ass!”

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