Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says : “You seem like nice young men, and I’d like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I’ll see you back in court Monday.”

On Monday , the judge asks the first guy : “How did you do over the weekend?”

“Well , your honor , I persuaded 15 people to give up drugs forever.”

“Fifteen people? That’s wonderful . How did you do it ?” “I used a diagram , your honor . I drew two circles like this : Oo. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs.” “That’s admirable ,” says the judge.

Then he turns to the second guy. “And how did you do?”

“Well, your honor , I persuaded 127 people to give up drugs forever.”

“Wow!” says the judge. “127 people.! How did you manage to do that?” “Well , I used a similar diagram,” the guy says. “I drew two circles like this : oO. Then I pointed to the little circle and said : ‘This is your asshole before jail”…

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On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.

Forgetting to turn off the microphone, he then says to his co-pilot, “What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and blowjob.”

All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run towards the COCKPIT to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says
“Don’t forget the coffee.”

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Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”

“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”

A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”

“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”

A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”

“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”

The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.

“I work for 7 Up!”

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A blonde, a brunette, and a black-haired girl are walking down their high school hallway when they come across a genie’s lamp.

The black-haired girl rubs it, and a genie comes out. He tells them that he’ll give each of them three wishes if they say something true about themselves. If not, they’ll go “poof”, and die.

So the black-haired girl squeals, “I think I’m the prettiest girl in school!”
*Poof*

The brunette pipes up, “I think I’m one of the smartest girls in school.”
*Poof*

And then the blond says, “I think–” *Poof*

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