A lawyer had just bought a fancy new car, and was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took off the driver’s side door with him standing right there. “NOOO!” he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it would never be the same.

Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling, “MY BENTLEY DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!”

“You’re a lawyer aren’t you?” asked the policeman.

“Yes, I am, but what does that have to do with my car?!?!” the lawyer asked.

“HA! You lawyers are so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn’t even notice that your left arm is missing did you?” the cop said.

The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed, “MY ROLEX!”

——-

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A store that sells husbands has just opened, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the floors. There is, however, a catch ..

You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor,
but, you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are good looking and help with the housework.”Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6: You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your steps as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

“““““

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There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee.

Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to change his name. He sends off the form, but immediately starts to regret it. He is told that to revoke his form he must pay a small fee. Ling takes out her purse and is about to hand over the money when suddenly…

A man, their father, bursts through the door and embraces Ving and tells them, “Don’t stop, be Lee, Ving”, “Hold on to that fee, ling.”?

——-

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How was your job interview yesterday?

Well, I entered the office, found a man sitting on a large black leather chair with feet resting foron the table….

He pointed towards his laptop, asked me to take it and go outside, then come back and try to sell him the laptop…

He thought himself as actor Leonardo Di Caprio of “The wolf of wall street” movie…
So I took the laptop and left…

Left… ?? Then what ??

Nothing…

30 minutes later he called me up, begging me to return his laptop to him cause all his work and important documents were in it…..

So I asked him:

Will you buy it ??

“““““

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