Elderly couple at the local fast food joint

An elderly couple stands at the counter at the local fast food joint. The man orders a deluxe burger, large fries, and a cup of decaf. The counter clerk turns to the woman and asks her what she would like.

“Oh, nothing for me, deary. My husband and I share everything.’”

The clerk hits a key on the register and tells the couple that the cost of the meal is $4.98.
The old man reaches into his pockets and pulls out a handful of coins. Slowly and carefully, without a penny to spare, he counts out the exact amount and hands it to the cashier.

A young man standing behind the couple watches this. As the clerk assembles the couple’s order, he leans forward and says, “I’d be honored to buy you another burger and fries.”

The old man turns to the young man and says, “Thank you, but my wife and I share everything.”
The old man carries the tray of food to a table and they sit. Carefully, he cuts the burger in half, divides the fries into two equal portions, and passes half of the food to the woman. He sets the decaf in the center of the table so they can both reach it. Then he begins to eat.

A few minutes later, the young man sits down at the table next to them. As he gobbles down his food, he notices that, while the elderly man eats, the woman is quietly sipping decaf. When he looks at her food, he sees that she hasn’t eaten a single bite. Again, he leans toward the couple and says, “I really would be honored to buy you another meal.’”

The old man says, “No, thank you. We share everything,” and calmly resumes eating.

“I just hate to see you go hungry,” the young man laments to the woman.

“Oh, I’m not going hungry,” the old woman says. “I’m waiting for the teeth.”

Three Bulls on the Ranch

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: “I’ve been here five years. I’m not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows.”

Second Bull: “I’ve been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I’m keeping all my cows.”

Third Bull: “I’ve only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I’m keeping all 10 of my cows.”

Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they’ve ever seen. At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.

First Bull: “I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend.”
Second Bull: “I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”

They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

First Bull: “Son, don’t be foolish — let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”

Third Bull: “Hell, he can have all my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull.”

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Three brothers who are 90, 93 and 95

Three brothers who are 90, 93 and 95 years old live in a house together. One night the 95 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 93 year old yells back, “I don’t know, I’ll come up and see.” He starts up the stairs and pauses, then he yells, “Was I going up the stairs or coming down?”

The 90 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having coffee listening to his brothers. He shakes his head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.” He knocks on wood for good luck. He then yells, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”

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Dale wants a helicopter ride

Dale and his wife Betsy went to the state fair every year and every year Dale would say,” Betsy, I’d like a ride in that helicopter”. Betsy replied,”I know Dale but that helicopter ride is $50, and $50 is $50.

One year Betsy and Dale went to the fair and Dale said,” Betsy, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance!” To this Betsy replied,”Dale that ride s $50, and $50 is $50!

The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet the entire ride and not say a word, i’ll not charge you! But, if you say one word it’s $50.

Dale and Betsy agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all sorts of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.
When they landed the pilot turned to Dale and said,”By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t! I’m impressed!”
Dale said “Well to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Betsy fell out, but you know $50 is $50!”

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