A man dies and wakes up in heaven. After he walks through the pearly gates, he finds a ladder going to another floor. He climbs up, and finds an ugly looking woman. The woman goes, “Do me, or climb the ladder to success.” The man, turned off by the woman’s looks, continues up the ladder.

He then finds a decent looking woman. She goes, “Do me, or climb the ladder to success.” The man continues to climb up the ladder.

On the next floor, he finds the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen. She then goes, “Do me hard, or climb the ladder to success.” The man resists his instincts and climbs up the ladder again.

He then reaches the top. He finds the nastiest, fattest old man he has ever seen. The old man goes, “Hi, my name is Cess.”
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A very beautiful women was depressed and wanted to kill herself. She goes to the overpass of a local highway to jump down 100 feet into a ravine.

Before she could climb up the barrier, a disgusting and repulsive homeless man comes up and asks, “Hey what are you doing?!” The beautiful woman replied, “I am going to kill myself. This life isn’t worth living anymore.” The homeless man is very shocked at why she would do this and he decides he needs to help.

The concerned hobo asks “well, ma’am, if you’re going die anyways how about a quickie?” Disgusted, the woman lashes back “With you? You are gross. No way!” The seemingly unphased derelict shrugs his shoulders and replies “ok I’ll see you at the bottom” and walks away.

That homeless man saved that woman’s life that day.

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First Witch: “What are you doing?

Second Witch: “I am making a special Halloween potion that requires eye of a werewolf, gizzard of a ghoul, liver of a vampire, horn from a unicorn, and heart of a lawyer.

So far, I have everything I need except the heart of a lawyer.”

First Witch: “Good luck!”

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A man was walking on the beach, angry because his boss said he’d have to work overtime with no pay tomorrow. He came across an old lamp, and he kicked it as far as he could. A genie popped out of the lamp when it landed. “Hello, I am Brack, the genie. I will grant your 3 wishes, but since you kicked me, your boss will receive twice of what you get.”

The man says, “first, I would like 100 trillion dollars”

The genie responds, “then your boss will become so rich he can buy nations! But whatever you wish.” And just like that, the man was rich.

“Next, I would like to make 100 million dollars an hour.” The man said.

“Then your boss would make 200 million an hour! You must really love your boss!” The genie responded

“Well, maybe my last wish will deter you.”

“What is it?”

“I’d like to donate one of my kidneys”

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