A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, “Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?”

The man below says: “Yes, you’re in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”

“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.

“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”

“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s no use to anyone.”

The man below says, “You must be in management.”

“I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

A cell phone on a bench in the locker room of a gym rang and the man next to it put it on speaker, so everybody could hear.

Everybody immediately stopped talking to listen in on the conversation.

WOMAN – “Hello?”

MAN – “Hello.”

WOMAN – “Hi, honey, are you at the club?”

MAN – “Yes.”

WOMAN – “I’ve been shopping around and found a beautiful leather coat, and it only costs $2000. Can I get it?”

MAN – “If you really like it, sure.”

WOMAN – “I also stopped by the car dealership, and there’s a new model that I really like.”

MAN – “How much is it?”

WOMAN – “$90,000”

MAN – “Sure, get it, but for that price, I want all options.”

WOMAN – “Great, and one last thing.”

MAN – “What is it?”

WOMAN – “I was talking to Sarah a couple hours ago, and the house I really wanted to get two years ago is back on the market now.”

MAN – “How much is it?”

WOMAN – “It’s $980,000.”

MAN – “Alright, offer $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, another $80,000 is worth it if you really like it.”

WOMAN – “Okay, I’ll see you later! You’re the best husband ever!”

MAN – “Bye, I love you too.”

The man then hung up. The other men in the locker room were looking at him with surprised faces. The man looked at them and said “Anybody know whose phone this is?”

“““““

House Wife Dating at DatingWild.com is where you go to meet lonely housewives needed attention.

My girlfriend invited me to her house where I found her sister alone.

So I sat there waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievable sexy sister was sitting next to me.

A few moments later she whispered to me ‘we should have sex while my sister isn’t home.

I immediately got up and turned around to head back to my car.

I found my girlfriend standing by the door, she hugged me and said ‘you’ve won my trust’.

Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in your car.

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com

The meaning of life..

submitted 9 hours ago by insolent_swine

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”

So God agreed…… On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God agreed……

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed again…… On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”

“Okay,” said God. “You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

——-

.xyz Domains names for only $1.99, .site for only $2.99, .com only $8.99 at LocoDomains.com