Three friends are fishing when a crocodile comes ashore and grants them three wishes.

The first friend says “I wish I could catch a huge marlin”

The crocodile swims away for a moment, then comes back. The friend then pulls in a massive marlin.

“Amazing!” Says the second friend “Well you know what? I wish I were rich”

The crocodile then swims underwater and fetches a treasure chest full of money and gold and gives it to him.

“INCREDIBLE!” says the third friend “I’ve got a better one, I wish my penis touched the ground!”

The crocodile bites his legs off.

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A wife was making breakfast for her husband when he ran into the kitchen with an alarmed expression.

“TURN ‘EM EGGS!! TURN’EM BEFORE THEY BURN!!!”.

“GOOD LORD, WE ARE GOING TO NEED MORE BUTTER FOR BREAKFAST!!! GET IT! GET IT!!! DAMN THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!!”

The wife looked at him with a puzzled expression and continued.

“HOLY SHIT! NOT SO MUCH SALT AND PEPPER!!! JUST A BIT!! YOU WILL RUIN THEM!!!”

The wife turned around and shouted, “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

“Nothing”, replied the husband in a calm and even tone. “Just wanted to give you an idea of what it’s like when I am driving with you by my side.”

“““““

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Teacher : What’s wrong? Why do you have a black eye?

John: Our house is very small. My mum, my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, “John are you sleeping?” Then I say “No” & then he slaps my face & gives me a Black eye.

Teacher: Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet. don’t answer.

The following morning John comes back with a severe black eye again.

Teacher: My goodness, Why the black eye again ?

John: Dad asked me again, John are you sleeping ? I shut up & kept dead still. Then my dad and my mom started moving, you know, at the same time Mum was breathing like a Christmas chicken, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a Hyena on the bed. Then my dad asked my mum, “Are you coming?” Mum said, “Yes I’m coming, are you coming too?” Dad answered “Yes.” They don’t usually go anywhere without me so I said, “wait for me, I’m coming too.”

“““““

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A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The storeowner replies “I’m sorry, but the cat isn’t for sale.” The collector says, “Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I’ll pay you twenty dollars for that cat.” And the owner says “Sold,” and hands over the cat. The collector continues, “Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat’s used to it and it’ll save me from having to get a dish.” The owner says, “Sorry buddy, but that’s my lucky saucer. So far this week I’ve sold sixty-eight cats.”

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