The college teacher noticed that his exchange student, Marco, suddenly had started attracting a lot of female attention.

So, one day he asks Marco about his secret. Marco replies: “Well, before sex I simply whip out my willy and smack it against the bedside table, like a hammer. It numbs it up and makes me last longer”.

Later that day, the college teacher gets home to his wife and finds her in the shower – a welcome opportunity for sex. So, he quickly undresses and starts banging his dick against the dresser, just before hearing his wife calling from the shower:

“Is that you, Marco?”.

“““““

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Two Syrian refugees compete to see who can become the most English in three weeks.

After three weeks the Syrians meet again at a McDonalds. The first Syrian makes his case for him being more English by saying: “Every day I have taken my son to football practice and my daughter to dance class. I’ve recently started going to the pub and drink pints of Carling and every Friday I have fish&chips. My favourite football team is Manchester United. Beat that!”

The other Syrian simply replies with: “Get out of my country, you fucking paki cunt.”

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Henry and his wife Betty went to the state fair every year, and every year Betty would say, “Henry, I’d like to ride in that helicopter”.

Henry always replied, “I know Betty, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars — and 50 dollars is 50 dollars”.

One year Henry and Betty went to the fair, and Betty said, “Henry, I’m 85 years old. If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.”

Henry replied, “Betty that helicopter is 50 dollars — and 50 dollars is 50 dollars”.

The pilot overheard the couple and said, “Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won’t charge you! But if you say one word, it’s 50 dollars.”

Henry and Betty agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Betty and said, “By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t. I’m impressed!”

Betty replied, “Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Henry fell out, but you know — 50 dollars is 50 dollars.”

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A woman had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him: “Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?” “No, autism is a condition that develops during pregnancy” After getting well, she met her friends and told them about her experience: “Girls, I have awful news: the conspiracy goes way higher than we’ve thought”

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