Wife : “I dreamed they were auctioning off dicks.

The big ones went for ten dollars and the thick ones went for twenty dollars.”

Husband : “How about the ones like mine?”

Wife : “They gave those away.”

Husband : “I had a dream too…

I dreamed they were auctioning off vaginas.

The pretty ones went for a thousand dollars, and the little tight ones went for two thousand.”

Wife : “And how much for the ones like mine?”

Husband : “That’s where they held the auction.”

——-

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A professor sits with a farmer in a train. Bored, the professor says to the farmer : “I ask you a question, if you can’t answer it, you give me $5; then you ask me a question, if I can’t answer it, I give you $500, what do you think?” The farmer nods.

The professor asks the farmer: “What is the distance between the Earth and the Moon?” The farmer silently takes out $5 and give it to the professor.

The farmer asks the professor: “What animal has three legs when ascending a mountain and four legs when descending a mountain?” The professor thinks hardly but couldn’t find an answer, so he reluctantly pulls out $500 for the farmer.

The farmer takes the $500 and prepares to nap, the professor asks: “What animal is it!?” The farmer takes out $5 and give it to the professor, then he falls asleep.

——-

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Once, in an African village, a native man walked up to a missionary with a look of fury on his face. “My wife gave birth today,” the native growled, “and the baby is white! And you’re the only white person within 100 miles of here! ”

The missionary glanced around guiltily for a moment but quickly regained his composure. “Look at those goats over there,” the missionary said, pointing at the village’s livestock. “All of them are white, except for that black one over there. Sometimes nature works in mysterious ways. ”

The native’s eyes widened, and he nodded at the missionary. “I understand, sir. I’ll stop talking about the white baby…” and here his voice dropped to a whisper. “… And you stop talking about the black goat. ”
——-

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A university student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch, however the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:

‘A swan shan’t be friends with a pig.’

‘Then I shall fly on,’ answered the student with a smile.

The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student at the exams.

At the oral exam, he gave the student the hardest questions, but the student had amazing answers for everything. Therefore, hoping he could still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a trickier question:

‘You’re walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?’

‘The gold.’

‘Unfortunately, I don’t agree. I’d choose cleverness, because that’s more important than money.’

‘Everyone would choose what they don’t have,’ says the student.

The teacher turns red, and he’s so angry he writes “ass” on the student’s paper. The student leaves without looking at the paper. However, he returns shortly, gives back his paper and says:

‘Excuse me sir, you did sign my paper, but you forgot to give my grade!’

“““““

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