Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology looking to start his a href=”http://professionaldaters.com/”>career, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $150,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

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A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, ‘Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.’

The man replies, ‘I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!’

The woman continues, ‘And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.’

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, and extends it back to the woman. Politely, the woman refuses to accept the bottle.

The man asks, ‘Aren’t you having any?’

The woman replies, ‘No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…’

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A driver was swerving all over the road then was pulled over by a police officer. The police officer knocked on the door and said,

“Sir, please blow into this machine”

“Sorry officer, I can’t”

“Why not?”

“Because I have asthma, and it might trigger an asthma attack”

“Okay, could we get a blood sample then?”

“Sorry officer, I can’t”

“Why not?”

“Because I have diabetes, and it might upset my blood sugar level”

“Okay, then just step outside your car and walk in a straight line”

“Sorry officer, I can’t”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m drunk”

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On his 70th birthday, an old man received a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction.

After being persuaded to go, he drove to the reservation, handed his ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.

The old man handed a potion to him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, “This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoon and then say ‘1-2-3’.” When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you want.”

The man was encouraged. As he walked away, he turned and asked, “How do I stop the medicine from working?”

“Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,'” the medicine man responded, “but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon.”

The man was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, he quickly took off his clothes and said, “1-2-3!” Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes as she asked “What was the 1-2-3 for?”

And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle.
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