A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was. “It’s a period,” said the little boy. “Well, I can see that,” she said, ”but what is so exciting about a period?”

”I don’t know,” said the little boy, ”but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.”

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A balding white haired man walks into a jewelry store with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, ‘No, I’d like to see something more special.’

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. ‘Here’s a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady’s eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, ‘We’ll take it.’ The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, ‘By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I’ll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I’ll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.’

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said ‘Sir…There’s no money in that account.

‘I know,’ said the old man…’But let me tell you about my weekend.’

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Kid 1: “Hey, I bet you’re still a virgin.”

Kid 2: “Yeah, I was a virgin until last night .”

Kid 1: “As if.”

Kid 2: “Yeah, just ask your sister.”

Kid 1: “I don’t have a sister.”

Kid 2: “You will in about nine months.”

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I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

There is a new trend in our startup; everyone is putting names on their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named Kevin.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I work to buy a car to go to work.

We never knew he was a drunk… until he showed up to work sober.

My job is secure. No one else wants it.

Teamwork in StartUps is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

Nothing ruins a Friday more than an understanding that today is Tuesday.

The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.

In my experience there’s two ways to get things done, the right way and the drunk way.

A camel can work 10 days without drinking, I can drink 10 days without working.

^^^^^^

Awesome new Startups listed at BlastStartups.com may be the next Big Thing.