“What’s your name?”, asked the teacher.

“Mohammad,” he replied.

“You’re in Ireland now,” replied the teacher, “So from now on you will be known as Mike.

” Mohammad returned home after school.

“How was your day, Mohammad?”, his mother asked.

“My name is not Mohammad. I’m in Ireland and now my name is Mike”.

“Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!”

And his mother beat the shit out of him. Then she called his father, who beat the shit out of him again.

The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his fresh bruises.

“What happened to you, Mike?”, she asked.

“Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two fucking Arabs.”

——-

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A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher’s widow said “you have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.”

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night. He returned around 2:30am, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed.

“Now take off my boots.” He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

“Now take off my socks.” He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

“Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

“Now take off my bra.” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said: “If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired!

——-

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Three blondes are walking through a forest when they spot tracks on the ground.

The first blonde says: “Look, those are deer tracks.”

The second blonde looks at them and says: “No you’re wrong, those tracks obviously belong to wolves.”

The third blonde thinks for a minute and says: “You’re both wrong, these are hog tracks, I’m sure.”

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

“““““

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A guy asked a girl in a library: Do you mind if I sit beside you? The girl replied with a loud voice: I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU! All the students in the library started staring at the guy, he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and said: I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right? The guy responded with a loud voice: $500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT’S TOO MUCH! All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her ears: I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty.

——-

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