A lost dog strays into a jungle. From a distance a lion sees this and says with caution, “This guy looks edible! Never seen his kind before.”

The lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace, to which the dog notices and starts to panic. As he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea – He says loudly “Mmm…that was some good lion meat!”

The lion abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher than he looks, I better leave while I can”. Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. The monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return.

The monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together”. They start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts, “Where the hell is that monkey?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”

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A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”

The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped me!” The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!” The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!”

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A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative Christian girl that means no sex before marriage. But he doesn’t care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her father’s house to ask for his blessing.

“Hello, sir, I’m here to ask for your daughter’s hand”

A bit skeptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks “And why is that?”

The guy lets out a long drawn out sigh… “Well, its just that mine have gotten tired.”

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A guy is walking down the beach and sees a girl with no arms and no legs sitting there crying.

He asks here what the problem is and she tells him, “I’ve never been screwed before.”

So, the guy picks her up then throws her in the ocean and says, “Now you’re screwed.”

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