Joke of the Day
Mom, dad and their little girl were walking in the woods when they come across a magical fairy.
“It’s your lucky day” says the fairy “I am in a wish granting mood and I will grant each one of you one wish!”
“I want a pony!” Shouts a little girl
“Fuck your pony!” Yells dad angrily
“Get my daughter off of that thing!” Screams mom
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A priest goes golfing with his sailor buddy one day.
The sailor took his first shot missed and said, “Fuck, I missed.” Surprised, the priest replied, “Don’t use that kind of language or god will strike you down.”
The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot. Again he missed and under his breath the said, “I fucking missed again.” The priest overheard and replied, “My son, please don’t use that language or god will strike you down.”
The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, “Oh fuck, I missed”. The priest said, “That’s it god will certainly strike you down.”
Suddenly, the skies darkened, thunder boomed and a bolt of lightning came down…but it hit the priest. From the heavens a deep voice said, “Oh fuck I missed”.
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One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks to choose.
The mans asks “How much is the yellow one?”
Assistant: “$2000”
The man is shocked and asks the assistant why is it so expensive. The assistant explains “He knows typewriting and type really fast”
“What about the red one?” The man asks
The assistant says “He costs $5000 becuase he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.”
“What about the Green one?” the man asks
The assistant says, “That one’s for $10,000.”
The man says, “and what does he do?”
The assistant replies, “I dont know, but the other two call him BOSS.”
“““““
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On long plane trip, a woman is sitting next to a lawyer. She wants to sleep, but the lawyer does not stop talking.
“Let’s play a game” – he suggests.
The woman ignores him.
“To make it interesting” – he continues – “if I answer incorrectly to your question, I’ll pay you $50. If you answer incorrectly to my question, you pay me $5.”
The woman agrees, and the lawyer asks the first question.
“What is the distance between Earth and the Moon?”
The woman hands him $5. Now it’s her turn.
“What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”
The lawyer is astonished. He frantically surfs the Internet, searches his pocket encyclopedia and asks his scientist friends. He finds nothing. Hours later, when finally giving up looking for the answer, he wakes the woman, hands her $50 and asks:
“So, what is the answer?”
Without saying a word, she hands him $5 and goes back to sleep.
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