A professor travels to Africa to live with a primitive tribe and spends years with them, teaching them all about the wonders of science and mathematics, One day, the Chief’s wife gives birth to… a white child!

The word spreads, and the entire tribe is in shock. The chief pulls the professor aside and says, “Look, you’re the only white man we’ve ever seen around here, and this woman just gave birth to a white child. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened!”

The professor replied, “No, Chief. You’re mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”

The chief was silent for a moment, then said, “Tell you what. You don’t say anything more about that sheep and I won’t say anything more about that white child.”

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A pregnant woman got shot 3 times and recovered, but the bullets were never found. Later she had triplets, two girls and one boy.

Many years later, the first girl came up to her mom and told about how she peed out a bullet.

The next day the second came up and the mother said, “Lemme guess, you peed out a bullet too.” She was right.

The next day her young boy came up to his mom and says, “Mom, I’m so ashamed of what just happened” The mother replied, “Aw, honey, it’s alright, your sisters peed out a bullet too, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“No, that’s not it” he said. “I was jerkin’ off, and I think I shot the dog”

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A Blonde, Brunette and red head are having lunch, chatting about their daughters…..

The Redhead says “I can’t believe it, I was looking through my daughters purse and I found a little bottle of alcohol, I didn’t know my daughter drank”.

The Brunette says, “OMG, you too? I was just looking through MY daughters purse and found a pack of cigarettes, I didn’t know my daughter smoked!”

The Blonde then jumps in….”I can’t believe it, I was going through MY daughters purse and found a pack of condoms, I didn’t know my daughter had a penis!”

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An old Italian man lived alone in the country. It was Spring and he wanted to dig his tomato garden, as he had done every year, but it was very hard work for the aging man as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was currently in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
Not for nothing, but don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the BODIES.
Love Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived at the old man’s house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn’t find any bodies, so they apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love Vinnie

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