A lawyer parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he’s getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the man starts screaming hysterically: ‘My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined. It’ll simply never be the same again!’

After the man finally finishes his rant, the policeman shakes his head in disgust.

‘I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,’ he says. ‘You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else in your life.’

‘How can you say such a thing at a time like this?’ sobs the Porsche owner.

The policeman replies, ‘Didn’t you realise that your left arm was torn off when the truck hit you?’

The lawyer looks down in horror.

‘FUCKING HELL!’ he screams……..’My Rolex!!!’

^^^^^^

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A man (lets call him Jay. Jay was not a good man, but I digress) finds himself in hell and as he’s walking around he notices Hitler and Stalin sitting at a table and arguing furiously about something. Being that he’s in hell he thinks to himself “Fuck it, I’m in hell so im gonna see what has Hitler so up in arms.”

He walks over to the table, sits down and says “Whats going on here? Why the big fight?” Hitler looks up and says “During my time as fuhrer i killed 6 million jews and 3 clowns.” Jay stops him and says “Wait why did you kill the 3 clowns?” Hitler gets a smug look on his face, looks over at Stalin and says “You see I told you nobody gives a fuck about the jews!

A bank robber wanted to keep his identity secret, but didn’t wear a balaclava. he told all in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them. one foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the robber promptly shot him. The robber asked if anyone else had seen his face. One customer, gazing intently at the ground, said “I think my wife got a glimpse”

“““““

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These two guys are drinking in a bar 30 floors up in a skyscraper. One guy turns to the other and says, “did you know that the wind is really unique around this particular skyscraper?” “How so?” asks the other. “Well, somehow, the updraft is so strong that you can jump out the window and it will carry you right back up.”

“Bullshit,” says the other. “No really! I’ll prove it to you!” says the first guy. Then he gets up, opens the window and jumps out. The second runs up and watches out the window, as the first guy falls down past ten floors, than slowly stops, and drifts back up. “See? I told you so.” The second guys downs his drink and says, “Jesus, I gotta try this!” Then he jumps out the window and falls past ten floors, then twenty floors, then, with a scream, he falls past the last ten floors and splats on the ground. The first guy sits down and orders a drink. As he’s serving it to him, the bartender says, “Superman, you’re a real asshole when you’re drunk.”

——-

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