Suzy gets invited to go to her first high-school party with alcohol. Her mother is no fool and understands how teenagers are, so she sits Suzy down and gives her the talk “Now Suzy. it is normal for girls and boys your age to begin to have sex. It is natural and nothing to be ashamed of , BUT if you do have sex you need to make the boy wear a condom.

Now, most boys just despise wearing condoms so you’re going to have to be clever to get them to wear one. If the boy doesn’t want to wear a condom, tell him you have crabs. If that doesn’t convince him to wear one, tell him that you have gonorrhea. If THAT doesn work, tell him you have herpes. If even THAT doesn’t work, tell him you have AIDS.” So suzy goes to her party and sure enough her and a cute boy end up in a bedroom fooling around. They’re about to have sex and Suzy stops him and tells him to put on a condom.

He says its fine they don’t need one, so she tells him she has crabs. He tells her he doesn’t care lets have sex. So she tells him she has gonerrhea and he says he still doesn’t care. Then she tells him she has herpes and he still doesn’t care. She finally tells him that she has AIDS and even THAT doesn’t stop him and they start banging! When they’re finished Suzy says “Wow, you must really really like me if none of that stopped you from wanting me!” and the boy goes “nah, I just already have all those”

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One of them spots a hole in the ground that looks unusually deep. He picks up a rock and throws it in the hole, and never hears it hit the bottom. “Try something heavier?”, the other man suggests.

They find a rusty old anvil nearby, pick it up and throw it down the hole. Five seconds later a goat comes speeding toward the hole and falls in. “What the hell was that?”, one of the men say.

Just then another man runs up and says “Please, have you seen my goat anywhere?!”. “Yes”, they reply,”We just saw him run this way and jump into this hole!” The man says, “That’s impossible I had him tied to an anvil.”

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A man is on his way to the movie theater when a goose starts following him.

He gets to the theater and the goose is right behind him. He asks for a ticket to the movie and the theater owner meets him at the door and say “I’m sorry but you can’t bring that goose in here.”

The man replies “it’s been following me for the past mile and a half, I can’t get rid of him.” The manager says “that’s not my fault, I’m sorry but I can’t let you in with that goose.”

So the man goes around the corner and stuffs the goose down his pants. He heads back and hands the manager the ticket at the door and heads in. He heads straight to his theater door and sees that it’s a pretty crowded theater, so he finds a seat next to two old ladies.

The movie starts and the lights get dim, it’s at this point the goose starts getting agitated and rustles around in the mans pants. The goose starts rustling more and more and even starts grunting.

At this point the man unzips his zipper and allows the goose to pop his head out and stretch his neck. This catches the eye of one of the little old ladies, she is baffled by this, turns to her friend and says “at my age, you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all, but this one’s eating my popcorn!”

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By the time John pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. “You’ve got to have a room somewhere.” he pleaded. “Or just a bed–I don’t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” the tired traveler assured him. “I’ll take it.”

The next morning John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”

“Nope. I shut him up in no time?”

“How’d you manage that?”

“He was already in bed, snoring away. when I came in the room,” John said. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”

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