Little Billy is standing in the barn with his grandpa…

There are rabbits in the barn and their droppings are all over the floor. The boy says, “What are all these pellets on the ground, grandpa?”

Grandpa says, “They’re smart pills, Billy. Eat them and you’ll get smarter.” Little Billy liked the sound of that so he grabbed a handful off the ground and shoved them in his mouth. He immediately spit them out and said, “Ugh, those taste like crap, grandpa!”

Grandpa says, “See you’re getting smarter already.”

“““““

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Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says “My wife is an angel.”

The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

Little Timmy’s parents were at a conference with his teachers. Most of his classes were going very well except he seemed to be struggling in math, so they tried and tried to get him the help he needed but nothing seemed to catch on. Eventually his parents decided to put him in a different school all together. A catholic school.

A few months went by and his parents decided to have another conference with his teachers to see how he was doing. And to their surprise he was excelling in all of his classes, especially Math! They were stunned and a little confused. So they went to ask Little Timmy for the reason behind all of it. And he says “The first day I got there I saw some guy nailed to a plus sign, so I figured they take that shit seriously!”

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Two lifelong friends, a doctor and a vet, are in a bar. Over the course of a few drinks the topic of conversation moves to work.

“You are lucky” says the vet “Your patients come in and tell you what is wrong with them. It would make treating them so much simpler” “Ah” retorts the doctor “But you forget the social pressure and reliance upon which I must do my job. If I make even a small mistake, I could be sued for everything I have’

Neither the Vet nor the doctor wish to concede that they have the easiesr job. So the vet suggests a challenge. “Next time I am ill I shall come to see you but, as with my patients, I will not say a single word. If you can treat me I shall admit defeat” the doctor agrees and they enjoy the rest of their night.

Months pass and both men are very busy with work but one day the doctor hears a knock at the door. It is the vet who simply enters and lies on the couch. The doctor is initially confused but soon remembers his late night bet with his friend. The doctor begins to do a routine physical exam, looks the vet over, takes his temperature, all the usual tests. This goes on for a while with the doctor seemingly making no progress. The doctors frustration is evident on his face. He eventually signals for the vet to stand up and take his leave. As the vet approaches the door the doctor hands him a prescription for some basic antibiotics and says

“Here take two of these and if you’re not better in the morning I’ll have you put down.”

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