Joke of the Day: 10-year old Little Johnny

10-year old Little Johnny brings Suzy home from school

He says, “Mom, Suzy and I want to get married .”

His Mom thinks it’s adorable, so she asks with fake concern, “But Johnny, where will you live?”

He says, “Well, we thought about that and my room is bigger than hers, so we’ll probably live in my room.”

“But Johnny, what will you do for money?” the mother asked grinning.

“Well, I get $5.00 a week allowance, and Suzy gets $3.50, and I think we can get by on that.”

The mother asks slyly, “But what if you have children? How will you buy diapers?”

Little Johnny shrugs, “Well, we’ve been lucky so far . . .”

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Joke of the Day: Divorce

A woman says to her lawyer “I want to divorce my husband.”

“On what grounds?”

“Grounds? We have two acres at the edge of town with a big lawn and some fruit trees.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?”

“Yes, we have a two car garage but only one car so we use the rest for storage.”

getting exasperated “Does he beat you up?”

“No, I’m up by 6:30 and sometimes he doesn’t get up until after I’ve left for work.”

“WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”

“We just can’t seem to communicate.”

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Joke of the Day: Three Tests

A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The man approaches the bartender and asks, “What’s up with the jar?”

“Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money.”

“What are the three tests?” asks the man

“Gotta pay first.”

So the guy gives him the $10 bucks, and the bartender adds it to the jar.

“OK, here’s what you have to do. First, you have to drink that whole bottle of pepper tequila — the WHOLE thing at once — and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who’s never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her.”

“Well, I know I’ve paid my $10 bucks,” says the man, “but I’m not an idiot. No wonder you’ve collected so much money — that’s impossible!”

The new guy proceeds to drink several whiskeys, and eventually, he gets up his nerve.”Wherez zat teeqeelah?” he slurs.He grabs the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands and downs it, gulp by gulp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn’t make a face. Next, he staggers out back. Everyone in the bar hears a huge scuffle outside — barking, yelping and growling, then silence.Just when they think the man must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and gashes across his body.”NOW,” he says, “wherez at ol’ lady with the sore tooth?”

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