A boss said to his secretary, “I want to have sex with you. But don’t worry – I’ll make it fast. I’ll throw $1000 on the floor, and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I’ll be done.”

After thinking for a moment, she called her boyfriend and told him the story. The boyfriend said, “Do it. But ask him for $2000. Pick up the money fast — he won’t even have enough time to undress.”

So she agreed. Half an hour later, the boyfriend called back to ask how it went. “Terribly,” she said. “The bastard used coins!”

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A man is trying to pick up a girl in a bar consuming several alcoholic beverages. At this point, he’s pretty pissed, and is having no luck with the females. He takes a seat at the bar, and spies a younger gentleman who is attracting all the women in the bar. The drunkard approaches him and says “Oi mate, what’s your secret? How you getting all these women?”

The man replies “It’s simple. I walk up to the girl I like and say ‘Tickle your ass with a feather?’ If she likes the idea, I’m in. If she replies “Excuse me?” I casually say ‘Its starting to trickle outside, awful nasty weather’ and move on”.

“Ahh, I get you!” says the drunk.

So after a few more ales he sees an attractive looking women and stumbles up to her.

“Stick a feather up your arse?” he says.

The woman, shocked, replies “Excuse me?”.

“I said its raining like fuck outside”

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There were 3 men and they all died in a car crash and went to hell. When they got there the devil asked them all in turn a question.To he first he said what was your biggest sin on earth? and the man replied Oh man I just love alcohol and being drunk man so the devil showed the man to a room full of alcohol of every type and description and he put the man inside and said see you in 100 years and locked the door.To the second man he asked the same question and the man replied oh man I just love to have sex with the ladies, I was really unfaithful to my wife man.

So the devil took the man and showed him to a room full of hundreds upon thousands of gorgeous and beautiful naked women. The man ran inside and the devil said see you in 100 years and locked the door.The third mans answer to the question was oh man I just LOVE weed! Im high all the time man and I cant live without it!. The devil showed the man to a room packed with the most amazing grade-A bud youve ever seen, stacked to the roof! The man went inside and the devil locked the door after saying see you in 100 years.

100 years later the devil came by to let the three men out. He opened the door to the first mans room and found the man collapsed on the ground, passed out with empty bottles laying around him and puke all over him. He was a mess.The devil opened the 2nd mans door and the man came running out of the room and cried IM GAY! IM GAY!. Finally the devil came to the third mans room and opened the door. Sitting in the middle of all the bud, in the exact same position the devil had left him in was the man. He looked up at the devil and with a single tear rolling down his cheek he asked ; hey man, got a light?

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named ‘Amal.’ The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan’. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, “But they are twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.” ‘

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