An elderly woman sitting on her porch, petting her beloved cat Oscar. A genie walks up her sidewalk. “Ma’am, you have lived a happy and simple life, I wish to grant you three wishes.”

The woman smiles, “Oh, I have to think, well, I would like to be 18 again.” The genie nods his head and she transforms into her 18 years old self. “I would like lots of money!” she wishes. He nods again and piles of gold and coins pile all beside her. The woman stops, “My cat Oscar here has been loyal and sweet, could you turn him into a young, handsome man?” The genie nods his head a third time and disappears. Turning around she sees a young man, fit, gorgeous and perfect.

“Why hello” she says coyly. Oscar looks at her, “Don’t look at me, you had me neutered.”

“““““

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A man walks into a bank.

(Man to teller) “I want to open a fucking saving account.”

The Astonished woman replies “I beg your pardon, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank”. The woman leaves the window and goes to bank manager to inform him of this situation.

The manager agrees that the woman does not have to listen to this kind of language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the man, “Sir, what what seems to be problem here?”

“There is no fucking problem”, the man says “I just won $200 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to put my fucking money in this damn bank.”

“Oh… I see” says the bank manager. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time, sir?”

“““““

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A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes. When he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

“Pardon me, sir, I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. What’s your name?

“Morris Feinberg,” he replied.

“Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?”

“For about 60 years.”

“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”

“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims.” “I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop.” “I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man.” “I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.”

“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”

“Like I’m talking to a fucking wall.”

“““““

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A factory owner is trying to come up with innovative ideas to save money and therefor save his business from going under.

The owner calls a meeting with all of his 200 employees out on the plant floor. “Ok everyone, we are in deep trouble. I will give $2000 dollars to the first person that comes to me with a cost saving idea.”

Immediately a guy in the front row shoots up his hand. Owner says “Yes, Dugly. That was fast, what’s your cost saving plan?”

Dugly says “make it $1000”.

——-

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