A girl came skipping home from school one day. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!

Very good, said her mother. Is it because Im blonde? the girl said. Yes, its because youre blonde, said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!

Very good, said her mother. Is it because Im blonde, Mommy? Yes, its because youre blonde. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy, she yelled, we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these! And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. Very good, said her embarrassed mother. Is it because Im blonde, mommy? No Honey, its because youre 24.

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Guy gets a new job at an all in one store. His manager says that he works on commission so just try to sell a few things and he’ll come back and check on him later. At the end of the day he comes back and asks the salesman how many sales he had.

The guy replies “1”. The manager says “Well geez, normally our guys do 15-20 a day. How much was your sale?” The guy replies back “$221,536.87” The manager yells “Holy shit! What did you sell???”

“Well, the guy was buying a small fish hook, so I got him to buy a medium hook and a large hook. I asked him what he was going to fish with and I talked him into a new pole. He also needed bait. I asked him where he was goin fishing, he said probably the creek and I told him he had to go out on the lake. Well, he didn’t had a boat so I took over to the marina section and he bought a twin V skipper.

Then he realized he couldn’t tow it with his car so we went to automotive and he bought a new truck.” Thoroughly impressed, the manager said “he came in for a fishing hook and you got him to buy all that?” The salesman replied “oh no. He came in for tampons and I said buddy your weekend is fucked, you better go fishing.”

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In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called one of his squires: “I’m leaving for the crusade.

Here is the key to my wife’s chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven’t returned, you may use the key as I’m sure she will have needs.”

The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe.

He takes one last look at his castle and sees the squire rushing extremely fast across the drawbridge, yelling: Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!

Thank goodness I was able to catch you, the squire says. This is the wrong key!

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Bunch of Menkind Jokes:

Men Are Like… Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Men Are Like… Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.

Men Are Like… Commercials.
You can’t believe a word they say.

Men Are Like… Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men Are Like… Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.

Men Are Like… Curling Irons.
They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.

Men Are Like… Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.

Men Are Like… Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men Are Like… Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men Are Like… Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men Are Like… Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.

Men Are Like… Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men Are Like… Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

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