A man trying to understand the nature of God and asked him: “God, how long is a million years to you?”

God answered: ” A million years is like a minute.”

Then the man asked: “God, how much is a million dollars to you?”

And God replied: “A million dollars is like a penny.”

Finally the man asked: “God, could you give me a penny?” And God said, “In a minute.”

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The queen of England was visiting a top hospital, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.”Oh my god!”, said the Queen, “That’s disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???”The doctor leading the tour explains, “I’m sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn’t do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly.””Oh, I am sorry” said the Queen.On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.

“Oh my God”, said the Queen, “What’s happening in there?” The Doctor replied, “Same problem, better health plan.”

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Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior
was that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.

After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door,
strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there was a knock at the door.
“Who is it?” called one of the nuns.
“Blind man,” replied a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug,
deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room; they open the door.

“Nice boobs,” said the man. “Where do you want these blinds?”

——-

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For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park,
until one day an angel came down from heaven.

“You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them,
“and I’m going to give you a special gift.
I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want.”
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly , but soon dashed for the bushes,
from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

“You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel, winking conspiratorially.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, “Great!
Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I’ll poop on it’s head.”

“““““

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