Joke of the Day: Sumbich

A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.

He also invited Dugly, the only Redneck in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Dugly was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, ‘I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Dugly in the pool!

Dugly was fighting the gator and kicking its rear! Dugly was jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Dugly and the gator were screaming and raising heck.

Finally Dugly strangled the gator and let it float to the top like a dime store goldfish.

Dugly then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, ‘Well, Dugly, I reckon I owe you a million dollars.’

‘No, that’s okay. I don’t want It,’ said Dugly.

The rich man said, ‘Man, I have to give you something you won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?

No thanks, I don’t want it,’ answered Dugly.

The host said, ‘Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?’ Again Dugly said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, ‘Well, Dugly, then what do you want?’

Dugly said, ‘I want the name of the sumbich who pushed me in the pool!’

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Joke of the Day: Mr. Rolins

Mr. Rolins is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

Mr. Rolins replies, “I am on my way to a very long lecture about alcohol abuse and smoking and the effects it has on the human body”

The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”

Mr. Rolins replies, “That would be my wife.”

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Joke of the Day: Turning 100 years old

There were these twin sisters just turning 100 years old in a nursing home and the editor of the local newspaper, “The Daily Bugle”, told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin ladies.

One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well.

The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAID, WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!”, said the other.

“Now get a little closer together”, said the cameraman. Again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE!” So they wiggled up close to each other.

“Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus a little”, said the photographer. Yet again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAYS HE’S JUST GONNA FOCUS!”

With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, “OH MY GOD – BOTH OF US?”

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Joke of the Day: Men wearing an earring

A man is at work one day when he notices that his coworker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative guy and is curious about his sudden change in ‘fashion sense.’

The man walks up to him and says, ‘I didn’t know you were into earrings.’

‘Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,’ he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

“Ever since my wife found it in my car.”

(I always wondered how this trend got started.)

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