At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother. He says, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your daddy a great big hug!”

——-

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An Amish boy named Abram and his father were in a mall.

They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.

Abram asked, “What is this, Father?” The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”

While Abram and his father were watching with amazement, a fat, ugly old lady moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady walked between them into a small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.

They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 23-year-old blond stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to Abram, “Go get your mother.”

——-

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While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change.

A Blonde Girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

“What’s that ?” she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust.

“Tennis ball,” came the breathless reply.

“Oh,” said the Blonde Girl sympathetically, “That must be painful…. I had tennis elbow once.”

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Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidently cut off all ten off his fingers.

He vent to da emergency room at da Clinic and vhen he got dere da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, “Let’s haf da fingers and I’ll see vhat I can do.”

Ole said, “I hafn’t got da fingers.”

“Vhat do you mean, you hafn’t got da fingers?” the doctor cried. “Yumpin’ yiminy! It’s 2012! Ve got microsurgery and all kinds off incredible techniques. I could haf put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn’t you bring da fingers?”

To vhich Ole replied…

“How da fock was I suppose to pick’em up?”

——-

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