Joke of the Day – Stumpy

One day OldManStumppy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumppy looks to Martha and says, “Martha, I think I really should try that.” Martha replies, “I know you want to Stumppy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10.” So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumppy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.

Finally, when Stumppy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumppy looks to Martha, and says, “Martha, I’m 70 now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance again, so I just have to be naughty and have a ride in that there airplane.” Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumppy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation…

The pilot pipes up, “Excuse me folks, I couldn’t help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I’ll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I’ll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each.” Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.

The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, “Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn’t make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff.” Stumppy looks back at the pilot and says, “Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!”

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Joke of the Day – One Good Deed

An elderly gentleman is standing at the pearly gates and St. Peter addresses him: “All you need to have done is one good deed, and we will allow you passage into heaven”

The old man says, No problem, as he recounts to St. Peter that he once stopped at an intersection and saw a motorcycle gang harassing a young woman.

He got out of his car, walked up to one of the bikers, who was over seven feet tall and must have weighed nearly 400 pounds, and told the biker that abusing and harassing a woman is a cowardly act and that he would not tolerate it in his presence.

He then reached up, yanked out his nose ring and kicked him in the groin to make a point.

St. Peter is frantically searching the mans life in his book in front of him and says, I cant find that incident anywhere in your file. When did that happen?

The old man looks down at his watch and says, Oh, about five minutes ago.

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Joke of the Day – Playing House

A little girl and a little boy were at daycare.

The girl approached the boy and said, “Hey, Stevie, wanna play house?”

He said, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”

The girl replied, “I want you to communicate.”

He said to her, “That word is too big. I have no idea what it means.”

The little girl smirked and said, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”

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Joke of the Day – Wife Jokes

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

– Rodney Dangerfield

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: ‘Wife wanted’. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: ‘You can have mine.’

– Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): ‘My wife’s an angel!’

Second Guy: ‘You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.’

– Anonymous

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