My wife asked when I knew I loved her. I said “We were in Rome, the way you knew so much about the city like it was second nature to you.

But I never felt you were condescending to me when I’d ask stupid questions. I saw how much you knew, how passionate you could. I’d been bored by all the old building, but you brought it all to life. I think that weekend, was when I realised you could be the best thing about my life.”

She didn’t speak for a while, just looked at until she said three words.

“Our tenth anniversary?”

“””””

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Son: “Daddy, I fell in love and want to start dating this awesome girl.”

Father: “That’s great, son! Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Amy, the neighbor’s daughter.”

Father: “Ohhh, I wish you hadn’t said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Amy is actually your sister.”

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!”

Father: “That’s great, son! Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Tina, the other neighbor’s daughter.”

Father: “Ohhh, I wish you hadn’t said that. Tina is also your sister.”

This went on a few more times, and finally the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: “Mom, I am so mad at dad! I fell in love with six girls and I can’t start dating any of them because dad is their father!”

The mother hugs him affectionately and says, “You can date whoever you want. He isn’t your father!”

“””””

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A tall and lean man goes to a doctor to see about getting his penis enlarged. The doctor says “yes we can do that – there’s a new operation these days. We take the trunk of a baby elephant and graft it into your penis.”

So the man excitedly agrees and gets the operation. Six weeks later after it’s all healed he goes on a date with a woman. While sitting in the restaurant, suddenly his dick reaches up from under the table, grabs a bread roll, and disappears under the table with it.

The man has a mortified look in his face but his date was visibly impressed. “That’s amazing!” She says. Can you do that again?!

“We’ll I’d love to, but I don’t think I can fit another bread roll up my ass…”

“””””

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On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift.

She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is – it’s some flowers!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift.

She held it up, shook it and said. “I bet I know what it is – it’s a box of candy!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son, Little Johnny.

The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking.

She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine?” she asked. “No,” Little Johnny answered.

The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

“Is it champagne?” she asked.

“No,” he answered.

Finally, the teacher said, “I give up. What is it?”
?
Little Johnny replied, “A puppy!”

“””””

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