Joke of the Day – taxi

A man walks into the street

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”

Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.

Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete.He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.

Cabbie: “There’s more.. He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.”

Passenger. “Wow, some guy then.”

Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too – he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. I just married his fucking widow.”

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Joke of the Day – old vermont farmer

an old vermont farmer decided to take is new wife into town
he told her to get dolled up, we’re going out
they loaded up for the ride and off they went
then the mule buckled, the farmer said, “that’s once”
after awhile the mule buckled again, the farmer said, “that’s twice”
they continued on to town, the mule once again buckled, so the old farmer pulled out his trusty .357 and shot the mule dead.
the wife said, “why did you do that?”

the farmer said, “That’s once”

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Joke of the Day – pet parrot

A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always ruin his act by saying things like, He has a card up his sleeve or He has a dove in his pocket.

One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?

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