One beautiful afternoon, a young redneck boy runs into his house and yells Paw, I found her! I found the girl Im gonna marry, and shes a virgin!

Now while this might impress some families, it irritated and upset his father. Pounding his fist on the table, he yells back Theres no way youll marry that girl! If she aint good enough for her own family, she aint good enough for ours!

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A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes thats right – women can browse men from floors of choices.

Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes…. a nifty setup – with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?

So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, Well, thats better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder whats further up? So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, Thats great, but I wonder whats further up? And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. Hmmm, better she says. But I wonder whats upstairs?

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. Wow! exclaims the woman, very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up! And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. Oh, mercy me! But just think…. what must be awaiting me further on? So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 – You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.

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Ive never had any major surgery so I consider myself pretty lucky, however not everyone can say that. I get scared just thinking about going under the knife, and if I ever did – these are 10 things that I surely dont want to hear my doctor say….

* Has anyone seen my watch?
* Come back with that! Bad Dog!
* Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then whats that?
* Hand me that…. uh…. thingy over there.
* What do you mean he wasnt in for a sex change!
* Damn, there go the lights again….
* Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
* What do you mean, hes not insured?
* Lets hurry, I dont want to miss Bay Watch

And the number one thing I dont want to her my doctor say during surgery….

* Oops!

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After a heavy night of drinking at the local bar, a drunk stumbles into a Catholic church and slowly makes his way into the confessional booth. There, the priest patiently awaits the man to begin his confession.

Confessional BoothAfter a few minutes of silence, the priest politely taps on the window…. nothing. The priest taps again and this time clears his throat a bit…. still nothing. At this point the priest begins to lose his patience and bangs on the window.

Finally the dunk yells out…. Aint no use knocking, there aint no paper over here either!

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