Your momma’s like a vacuum cleaner, she sucks, blows, and lays in the closet.

Your momma’s like a toilet, she’s so full of shit.

Your momma’s like a hardware store 5 cents a screw

Your momma’s like a squirell, she can’t keep nuts out of her mouth.

Your momma’s like a buffet, $3.00 and it’s all you can eat!

Your momma’s like buckleys, she tastes bad but works

Your momma’s like a doorknob everyone gets a turn.

Your momma’s like a light switch even a 4 Year old can turn her on.

Your momma’s like a refrigerator, every one sticks there meet in her

Your momma’s like a nascar driver she burns fifty rubbers a day

Your momma’s like a shotgun 2 cocks and shes ready to blow

Your momma’s like a hockey puck everyone gets a whack!

Your momma’s like a merry go round everyone gets a spin!

Your momma’s like a bus everyone gets a ride!

Your momma’s like a boomeramg she keeps coming back for more.

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One day there was this man that went to a beach completely naked even though the beach was a non-nude beach.

But the man thought and thought looking around. Nobody is here so he doesn’t care. He takes off his towel and lays down with a newspaper to cover his privates just in case.

Soon comes a little girl that asks “Sir, what’s under the newspaper?”

The man replies with “it’s a birdy and never ever touch it.”

He soon falls asleep.

Later on when he wakes up, he’s in the hospital feeling immense pain around his private area. The doctors ask what happened and all he could remember was the girl at the beach.

Later on the cops arrive at her house asking what she had done. She said “well I was playing with the birdy but then it spit this white stuff at me. I got really mad. So I broke it’s neck, stepped on it’s eggs, and burned it’s nest.”

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Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can’t hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning “I”, pointed to his knee meaning “need”, then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, “What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!”. The other guy says, “I knew that! I was just trying to tell you – I’m coming!”

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The teacher walks into the room and says… “OK class todays word is DEFINITLY, can anyone use the word in a sentence.”

Little Susie stands up and say “The sky is DEFINITLY blue.”

The teacher says; “Not necisarrily Susie, it can be blue, gray, or black, but nice try.”

Little Johnny is in the back of the room and is waving his hands back and forth.

The teacher says ” Yes Johnny, What is it?”

Johnny says ” I have a question.”

OK lets hear it, says the teacher.

Johnny says “Do Farts have lumps?”

The teacher says, “Well no they don’t.”

Little Johnny says “Well then I DEFINITLY just shit my pants!!!”

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