An elderly woman, distressed over the recent death of her husband, decided to endher life early to be with her husband in the afterlife.

She went to her doctors the next day and asked, Doctor, where is my heart?. He replied, On a womans body, it is just below the left breast. With that said she went home, took her husbands loaded handgun, and shot herself. A neighbor, overhearing the gunfire, immediately called 911. The ambulance arrived, and she was admitted to the hospital with a gun-shot wound just below her left knee.
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Alright, this goes against every male sperm in my body but, by popular request, its got to be posted. Seems theres a rumor going around that were sexist (maybe she meant to say sexy), but at any rate were going to be burying that rumor right now (not the one about being sexy). Eh, lost a bit of my manhood on this one.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They dont stop and ask for directions.

Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: They all already have boyfriends.

Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A widow.

Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q: Why dont women blink during foreplay?
A: Not enough time.

Q: How does a man prove his ability to plan for the future?
A: By buying a case of beer.

Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A: The bonds mature.

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.

Q: When do you care for a mans company?
A: When he owns it.

Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes.

Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A: Theyre married.

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We dont know, its never happened.

Q: Why are married women heavier than single Women?
A: Single women come home, see whats in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see whats in bed and go to the fridge.

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Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, red head, and a blonde) and they were all pregnant.

The burnette says, I know what Im going to have. The other to asked how she knew. She replied, well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a boy.

The red head said, If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved.

The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, PUPPIES, PUPPIES!

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A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.

Oscar, what happened to you?, asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering.

I got a ride down here in some guys mustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off, wheezed Oscar.

Let me give you a tip, old pal, said the first flea, spreading some more suntan oil on his shoulders. You go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air Florida stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?

So you can imagine the fleas surprise when, a month or so later, while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should he see but Oscar – looking more chilled and miserable than before.

Listen, said Oscar, I did everything you said. I made it to the stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in, and made a perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off.

And so? asked the first flea.

And so the next thing I know, Im on this guys mustache again!

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