In Ireland there is a tradition that holds that a dying man may ask one last question, and that it be answered truthfully.

Seamus had come to the end of his days; his time on this planet was short. Gathered around him was his wife and his four sons. Three of his sons were fine, tall men but the fourth…wasn’t. Aiden was a bit scrawny, and quite thin. Seamus says to his wife:

“Mary…I’ve not much time left. So I want to ask you something that’s bothered me for many a day. Please tell me the truth…is Aiden really my son?”

Mary says “Seamus, as God is my witness I swear on all that’s good and holy that Aiden is indeed your child.”

With that Seamus breathed a sigh of relief, his last breath in this world. Mary closed his eyes, pulled the blanket over his face and said:

“Whew…thank God he didn’t ask about the other three!”

“””””

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A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 mi.’

He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought.
Soon, he sees another sign that says, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 8 mi’ and realizes that these signs are for real.

When he drives past a third sign saying, ‘Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right’ his curiosity gets the better of him and he pulls into the drive.
On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door saying, ‘Sisters of Mercy’.

He climbs the steps and rings the bell.

The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, ‘What may we do for you, my son?’
‘He answers, ‘I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.
”Very well, my son. Please follow me.’

He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented.
The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, ‘Please knock on this door.
He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup.
This nun instructs, ‘Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway.’

He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun’s cup.
He then trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.
As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another small sign.
The sign says ‘Go in Peace. You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.’

“””””

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An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a jet fighter appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: “Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!” He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: “Well, how was that?”

The Airbus pilot answers: “Very impressive, but watch this!” The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, “Well, how was that? Confused, the jet pilot asks, “What did you do?” The Airbus pilot laughs and says: “I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the shitter, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry.”

“””””

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A genie grants three wishes to an old lady.

She says, “I want to be young again.”

*poof*

She’s young again.

“I want my little house to be turned into a beautiful mansion.”

*poof*

She’s now living in a beautiful mansion.

“I want my cat to be turned into a handsome young man!”

*poof*

Her cat is now a handsome young man.

“Oh cat, all my fantasies have come true! Take me in your arms, take me upstairs and make mad, passionate love to me!”

The cat says, “Oh darlin’, you should’ve thought about that a long time ago, before you had me fixed.”

“””””

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