An old man is selling watermelons and his pricelist reads: 1 for $3, 3 for $10.

A young man stops by and asks to buy one watermelon. “That’d be 3 dollars”, says the old man.

The young man then buys another one, and another one, paying $3 for each.

As the young man is walking away, he turns around, grins, and says, “Hey old man, do you realize I just bought three watermelons for only $9? Maybe business is not your thing.”

The old man smiles and mumbles to himself, “People are funny. Every time they buy three watermelons instead of one, yet they keep trying to teach me how to do business…”

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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.
The Angel asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, ‘Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.’

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, ‘OK, your Majesty, you may go in.’

Dolly is outraged and asks, ‘What was that all about?

I show you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in!

‘Sorry, Dolly,’ says the Angel, ‘but even in Heaven, A Royal Flush beats a Pair. no matter how big they are.

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The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.

The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
“Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

“””””

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Four golfers (a doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and an engineer) are stuck behind a really slow group of golfers. They start to get frustrated, so they call up the course’s pro.

“Hey, how come you’re letting guys like this on the course? They’re hitting their balls all over the place, spending way too much time lining up their putts, always in the sand traps…and they don’t see us trying to play through!”

The pro says, “Well, you see, last year there was an awful fire at the clubhouse. And these four firemen were injured fighting the blaze. They all lost their eyesight! Well, since they did so much to save us, the least we can do is let them golf here whenever they want to.”

The doctor says, “Oh, that’s horrible! You know, I know a lot of good eye doctors. I’m sure they can do something to help restore their sight.”

The lawyer says, “Hmm, I wonder if their masks were defective. I can probably file a huge lawsuit against the manufacturers. Pro bono!”

The priest says, “They are saints! I will pray for them and use their story as an example of courage and selflessness in my next sermon.”

The engineer asks, “Why don’t they play at night?”

“””””

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