A Priest dies & is waiting in line at Heaven’s Gate.

Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God to the guy : ” Who Are You….???? ”

Guy : ” I am a Bus driver”

God : Take this Gold robe & enter kingdom of heaven.

God to the Priest : Who Are You…..???? ”

Priest : I am a priest & spent 40yrs preaching good to people.

God :
” Take this cotton Robe and enter heaven……!!!! ”

Priest :
” God, how come that rash bus driver gets a Gold &
I spent all my life preaching Good, get Cotton……!!!!! ”

God :
” Results, my son, Results……
While you Preached,
People Slept,
When he drove,
People Really Prayed”

“””””

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Dugly is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Dugly a pop quiz, asking: “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?”

Dugly says: “I would switch one train to another track.”

“What if the lever broke?” asks the inspector.

“Then I’d run down to the tracks and use the manual lever down there,” answers Dugly.”

What if that had been struck by lightning?” challenges the inspector.”

Then,” Dugly continued, “I’d run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box.”

“What if the phone was busy?”

“In that case,” Dugly argued, “I’d run to the street level and use the public phone near the station.”

“What if that had been vandalized?”

“Oh well,” said Dugly, “in that case I would run into town and get my Uncle Leo.

This puzzled the inspector, so he asked “Why would you do that?”

“Because he’s never seen a train crash.”

“””””

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Doc 1 bragged, “I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon.”

Doc 2 replied, “That’s nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more, and later he won an Olympic gold medal in the decathlon.”

Doc 3 chucked condescendingly. “Child’s play. I had a patient who was in a horrible explosion. He was blown to bits. All they found was a huge, gaping anus. I put a suit and tie on it, and now he’s the owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys!”

“””””

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Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A police officer notices how fast he is going and pulls him over.

The cop says to the man, “Are you aware of how fast you were going?”

The man replies, “Yes I am. I’m trying to escape a robbery I got involved in.”

The police officer gives him a skeptical look and asks, “Were you the one being robbed?”

“No, I committed the robbery,” the man casually says.

“So you’re telling me you were speeding…AND committed a robbery?” the cop responds, shocked.
“Yes,” the man says calmly. “I have the loot in the back.”

The police officer begins to get angry. “Sir, I’m afraid you have to come with me.” With that, the cop reaches in the window to subdue the man.

“Don’t do that!” the man suddenly yells. “I’m scared you’ll find the gun in my glove compartment!” The cop pulls his hand out. “Wait here,” he says. The cop calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car.

However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, “Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car.”
The man replies, “Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!”

“””””

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