Plane engine failed

Three men were flying in a small plane when the engine failed.

To their disappointment, there were only two parachutes on board. After a couple of minutes of silence, one of the men said:

“Look, guys, I need to take one of the parachutes. I’m a single father with three children to feed.”
The other two agreed and gave him one of the backpacks. The father put it on and jumped off the falling plane.

“So, it’s me or you now, eh?”, said one of the two men still on the plane.

“Oh, just take a parachute and jump off,” said the other one.

“But then you’ll die”.

“Nah, dude, I’ll just take the second parachute”.

“What do you mean? You just gave it to that guy that jumped off”.

“I gave him the backpack where we kept the food. After all, he said he’s got kids to feed.”

“””””

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The cheating wife

A guy thought his wife was cheating on him.So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a whorehouse.

The guy says to the cabbie, “Wanna make a $ 100?” The cabbie says, “Sure, what do I have to do?”. The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the whorehouse and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home. So the cabbie goes in.

A couple of minutes later the whore house gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab. The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, “Here, hold her!!” The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, “THIS AIN’T MY WIFE”. The cabbie replied, “I KNOW, IT’S MINE; I’M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!!”.

“””””

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Thinking he was being funny

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.

Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!”

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn’t let such a comment go un-rewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. “What the Heck is this??” he said to himself as a little ‘dust’ cloud appeared when he shook them out.

“April,” he hollered into the bathroom, “why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?”

She replied… “It’s not talcum powder… it’s Miracle Grow.”

“””””

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Ok – I finally understand my life.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, ?Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”The dog said, ?That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I will give you back the other ten?”

So God agreed…… On the second day, God created the monkey and said, ?Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said, ?Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”

And God agreed……

On the third day, God created the cow and said, ?You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I’ll give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, ?That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”

And God agreed again…… On the fourth day, God created humans and said, ?Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, ?Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”
?Okay,” said God. ?You asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.

“””””

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