Medical experts were asked if it is time to lift the COVID-19 lockdown restrictions. There were mixed responses.

Allergists were in favor of scratching it altogether, but dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling it was a bad idea, and neurologists claimed the government had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Forensic pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” to which pediatricians responded, “Oh, grow up!”

Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and pharmacists claimed it would be a bitter pill to swallow.

Podiatrists thought it was a huge step forward, but urologists were pissed off at the notion.

Anesthetists thought the whole idea was gas, and those lofty cardiologists just didn’t have the heart to say no.

In the end, though, the proctologists won out and the entire decision will be left up to the assholes.

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A man is poor so he gets a job at the juice store. He is so happy with his job and he works very hard all day and all night. He impresses his manager and he soon gets promoted to supervisor.

As supervisor, he does a great job keeping watch over the employees and is a great leader. After six months, he has done such a good job he gets promoted to manager.

When the man is manager, he remodels the juice store and always makes sure he is the last one to leave the store every night. He is very hard-working and always wears a smile.
One day, he catches the attention of the company president, who quickly promotes him to the company Vice President. The man is stunned and continues to demonstrate his work ethic everyday.

Two months later, the company president passes away and the man is suddenly promoted to the company president.

Years later, the man sits in his chair on the top floor of his company building, overlooking all of his hard work. In the distance, he sees all of his juice stores, each one with a long line out the door. He sees the orange juice line, the grape juice line, the lemonade line, but something was wrong. The man suddenly realized his big mistake.
There was no punch line.

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The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, “We need a new TV spot for our H&X Nails line.”

A week later, the ad man comes back with a DVD and pops it into the DVD Player in the CEO’s office. The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, “H&Xnails: they get the job done.” The CEO is irritated and says, “That is completely unacceptable! We are NOT using that!”

A week passes, and the ad man returns with another DVD. The new tape shows Jesus hanging on the cross in the background, and in the foreground a centurion turns to the camera and says, “H&X nails: they hold anything!” The CEO is furious and yells, “JESUS IS NOT GETTING NAILED TO THE CROSS WITH B&Q NAILS, PERIOD!”

Another week goes by, and the ad man comes back with a third DVD. This time Jesus sprints down the street with a group of centurions in pursuit. As he passes the camera one of the centurions turns and says, “We should have used H&X nails!”

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Two little boys are sitting in the living room watching TV with their parents. The Mother looks over at the father with a wink and a nod toward upstairs.

The Mother turns back to the two boys and says “We’re going upstairs for a minute. You two stay here and watch TV. We’ll be right back. Okay?”

The two boys nod okay, and the parents take off upstairs. The oldest of the two boys is old enough to know what’s going on now and he gets up and tiptoes upstairs. At the top of the stairs, he peeks into his mom and dad’s bedroom and shakes his head.

Back downstairs he goes to his little brother. “Come with me,” he says. And the two little boys tiptoe up the stairs. Halfway up, the older brother turns to his younger brother and says, “Now I want you to keep in mind, this is the same woman who used to bust our ass for sucking our thumb!”

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