I was in a long line at McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order.

“Take the high road,” I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid for her order along with my own.

The cashier must have told her what I’d done because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed “Thank you.”, obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food too.

Now she has to go back to the end of the line to start all over.

Don’t honk your horn at old people.

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A man was in a long line at his local Walgreens store. As he got to the check out he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, “What size condoms?” The customer replied that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, “One box of large condoms, Checkout 5.”

The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the check out, he told the girl that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the check out for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, “One box of medium-sized condoms, Checkout 5.”

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the check out he told the girl he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn’t know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said… “Mop and bucket to Checkout 5”

“““““

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Three guys interviewing to be a detective. The final step is with the chief inspector who says, “Ahh, so you wanna be detectives, eh? The first skill you need is perception, let’s see how you guys do with that”

He calls them into his office one by one.

The first guy goes in and is shown a picture of a recently captured criminal. Tattooed face, large scar, he’s quite recognisable.
The inspector says, “Take a close look, and I want you to memorize and remember all the features that will help you identify this man in a crowd”
After a minute, the man is done.

The Inspector turns the picture over and says, “Well, go on, describe him to me” The man responds, “Well it wouldn’t be hard to find this guy, given that he has only one ear”.

The inspector stares blankly, turns the picture over and says, “What sort of a moron are you? This is a side profile of the man.. don’t tell me you thought… ugh, get out and stop wasting my time!”

The second guy is called in and given the same challenge.

After his minute he says, “Well, I couldn’t really focus on much other than the fact that he has only one eye”

Visibly frustrated, the inspector bellows, “What is wrong with you people, do you not know what a side profile is?! Get out, and call the last guy in!!”

The last guy comes in and is given the same challenge. The inspector adds, “You know what, take 5 minutes.. and think carefully before you answer”

5 minutes later, the young man turns the picture over himself and says, “You know, I’ll bet he wears contact lenses”

The inspector scrunches his eyebrows and then squints at the young man in silence for a few moments. Not wanting to potentially get embarrassed, he excuses himself to go check the man’s criminal profile. 2 minutes later, he steps back in.

A pleased but puzzles look on his face, he says, “Well, yes.. yes he does wear contacts lenses. How could you tell?”

Visibly delighted with himself, the young man beams back with a smile, “Oh, it took a while to think of it, but there’s no way he could wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear”

“““““

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A Catholic Nun was praying when the priest approached her.

The Priest Lightly Tapped the Nun on the shoulder and asked her to follow him.

The Priest Walked Away and The Nun quickly followed not far behind him.

They arrived In a Room Behind the Church.

The Priest Went inside the room and gestured for the Nun to do the same.

“Sister, Close The Door” Said The Priest “Jesus If Something ever happens please forgive my soul” Prayed The Nun.

“Sister Lock it” Said The Priest “Jesus If Something Ever Happens Please Forgive My Soul” Prayed The Nun.

“Sister Close The Window Curtains” Said The Priest “Jesus If Something ever happens please forgive my soul” Prayed The Nun.

“Sister close the lights” The Priest Said “Jesus If Something Ever Happens Please Forgive My soul”.

“Sister come here beside me” The Priest Said “Jesus Im sorry for what is about to happen please forgive my soul in heaven” prayed the Nun.

“Sister Look at My Watch it glows in the dark”.

——-

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